Commuters 




SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St., New York 



THE COMMUTERS 

A Comedy in Four Acts 



BY 



JAMES FORBES 



Copyright, I9I0, by JAMES FORBES 
Copyright, 1916. by JAMES FORBES 



ALL EIGHTS KESERVED. 

CAUTION. — All persons are hereby warned that "The 
Commuters," being fully protected under the copy- 
right laws of the United States, is subject to royalty, 
and anyone presenting the play without the consent of 
the owner or his authorized agents will be liable to 
the penalties by law provided. Application for amateur 
rights must be made to Samuel Fbench, 28-30 West 
38th Street New York. Application for the professional 
rights must be made to the American Play Compant, 
33 West 42nd Street, New York. . , „ 



NEW YORK 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38TH STREET 



LONDON 

SAMUEL FRENCH. Ltd. 

26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET 

STRAND 






Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
this book witliout a valid contract for pi'oduction first 
havinn; been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce tlie 
play publicly or in private for gain or charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
public only, and no performance of it may be given, except 
by special arrangement with Samuel French. 

SECTION 28.— That any person who wilfully or for 
profit shall infringe any copyright secured by this act, 
or who shall knowingly and wilfully aid or abet such 
infringment, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, 
and upon conviction thereof shall be punislied by im- 
prisonment for not exceeding one year, or by a fine of not 
less than one himdred dollars nor more than one thousand 
dollars, or both, in the discretion of the court. Act of 
March 4, 1909. 




©CI.D 46125 
FEB -9 1917 



THE COMMUTERS. 



Originally produced at the Criterion Theatre. 
New York, August 15th, 191 1. With the following 
cast: 

NOTE : — The characters are arranged in the order 
in which they first speak. 

Larry Brice 0:rin Johnson 

Hetty Brice May De Soitsa 

Carrie Georgie Lazvrence 

Mrs. Graham Mrs. Pauline Duffield 

Mr. Rolliston George Sonle Spencer 

Mr. Colton John Gnmberland 

Mr. Applebee E. Y. Backus 

Sammy Fletcher Taylor Holmes 

Mrs. Julia Stickney Crane. . .Maude Knowlton 

Mrs. Colton Amy Lesser 

Mrs. Shipman. Jsahelle Fenton 

Mrs Applebee Adelyn Wesley 

Mrs. Rolliston Lillian Thnrgate 

Barnes = .E. Y. Backus 



SYNOPSIS OF SCENES. 

Act I. Dining-room of the Brice home. Sat- 
urday morning 7: i"^. 

Act H. Living-room of the Brice home. Late 
afternoon of the same day. 

Act hi. Same as Act IL 2 A. M. 

Act IV. Veranda of the Brice home. Sunday 
morning. 

Time : — The present. 

Place: — A suburb of Nezv York City 



THE COMMUTERS 



ACT I. 



Scene: — The dining-room of the Brice home. 
It is a square room. The walls are panelled 
to a height of six feet zvith ivhite painted zvood. 
Above the panelling is a frieze of green and 
white floivered zvall paper. At about r. i e. 
is a szving door to the kitchen, the backing for 
this door shozving a wainscot of blue and white 
tile and yellow plaster zvalls. y4f r. 3 e. is a 
high casement zvindozv through which is shown 
an exterior backing in keeping with the drop. 
The valence and curtains on this zvindow are 
of green linen. On the sill are pots of blooming 
plants. Underneath the zvindozv is a mahogany 
sideboard. On either end of it are silver 
candelabra, in the center are various pieces of 
silver such as a tea set, cake dishes, compotes, 
decanters, peppers and salts, a muffinier, and a 
silver cigarette box for cigarettes. Between the 
sideboard and the door at r. i e. is a small stand 
zvith telephone and a chair. At the rear of the 
stage are double French windozvs, recessed, and 
opening off stage, showing a green and zvhite 
trellised fence covered with pink Rambler roses. 
Back of this is a drop representing the tree 
shaded lawns bordering a typical suburban 
street. In the recess of the windozvs is a plat- 
form raised one step from the stage. On each 
end of this platform is a flower stand filled 
with plants in bloom. Built in the fiat back r. 
5 



6 THE COMMUTERS. 

and L. of these windows are practical cabinets 
with glass doors. On their shelves an assort- 
ment of glasses and gaily decorated china. 
AtL.2E. leading into the living-room are double 
glass doors. Two chairs are placed against 
the ivall above these doors and two below them. 
At center is a round mahogany table on which 
is a lace center-piece and a glass bowl of flowers. 
There is a chair l. of table and one r. of it. 
All the chairs are of mahogany, alike in design 
with the seats upholstered in green linen. Simple 
electric brackets with shades are on the avails 
L. and R. Before the curtains rises an alarm, 
clock is heard off-stage l. 

The curtain rises on an empty stage flooded with 
early morning light streaming through the case- 
ment window. 

(Enter Larry Brice, carrying alarm-clock. It is 
ringing. He shakes it furiously.) 

Larry. Oh, keep quiet, will you. (Calls) 
Hetty ! Hetty ! 

Hetty. (Entering r. with Herald and World) 
Oh, Larry you're awake at last, are you? 

Larry. Fine chance I'd have to sleep with this 
burglar-alarm having hysterics. How do you fix the 
thing ? 

Hetty. (Gives him papers; takes clock, turns off 
alarm) I thought that one would get you up. It's 
a new one I bought yesterday. They call it the 
Commuter's Joy. 

Larry. The old one was joy enough. (Lays 
Herald on table — keeps World) 

Hetty. You were so used to that one it was a 
regular lullaby. Larry sits l. of c. table — Hetty 
puts clock on sideboard r.) Now don't putter 
around. (Dozvn back of table — lays paper on chair 
R.) It's seven-fifteen. You've just thirty minutes 



THE COMMUTERS. 7 

to catch the 7:46. (Takes flozvers to sideboard) 

Larry. Thirty-one minutes, pet. {Reading 
World) 

Hetty. Just when did you come home last 
night? (Dozvn to fable) 

Larry. How late did you sit up ? 

_ Hetty. I asked a question. (Picking up center- 
piece) 

Larry. I heard you, dear heart, about ten minutes 
after eleven. 

Hetty. You mean 10 highballs after eleven. 
(Hetty puts center-piece over back of chair r. 
and goes to sideboard r. opens drawer) 

Larry. Now, my dear, I was only 

Hetty. (Interrupting) Now don't tell me it 
was another impromptu alumni dinner. (Takes out 
table-cloth) I know that you were popular at col- 
lege — (Brings down table-cloth) but I never heard 
of any other college with so many black hand 
societies. (Spreading cloth) 

Larry. Wrong, my love — quite wrong — it was 
just a little party at Sammy's. 

Hetty, (Still spreading cloth) Sammy's! An- 
other party at Sammy's. I wish to heaven that Mr. 
Samuel Fletcher was married, although he is an 
awful thing to wish on any woman. (Smoothing 
cloth) 

Larry. He always speaks well of you. 

Hetty. He doesn't even know me. 

Larry. Perhaps that's the reason. 

Hetty. I hate a man to be funny in the morn- 
ing. (Picks up center-piece) The next time yea 
see Mr. Fletcher just tell him for me. that women 
would rather sit up with their husbands than for 
them. (Puts center-piece on cloth) 

Larry. Was his darling little girl lonely? 

Hetty. No, his darling little girl wasn't lonely. 
Doctor Lloyd sat up with me. 

Larry. He did! 



8 THE COMMUTERS. 

Hetty. Don't worry. He won't send a bill. It 
was a social not a professional call. Fan Rolliston 
came over. She was bored to tears too— (Starts for 
sideboard) 

Larry. Why ? 

Hetty. Why ? ( Turns quickly and comes down 
R. c.) Wasn't Rolliston at Sammy Fletcher's party? 

Larry. Was he? You should have heard him. 

Hetty. (Over to r. of table) Spare me the rem- 
iniscences. I can see, it will be a long moist story 
and your train leaves at 7 : 46. 

Larry. (Rises) Oh, loads of time, (Puts 
down World on l. of table and goes up to window 
c.) 

Hetty. (Picks up Herald, puts on r. of table — 
picking up World and crosses to l. "c. looking at 
paper) You told me that Mr. Rathborne was sail- 
ing at ten, and that you had to see him. 

Larry. Oh, what's the rush. (Looks off r.) 
Old Shipman's on the front porch reading his paper, 

Hetty. What page? 

Larry. By his expression, I should say the 
death notices, (Looks again) No, it's the stock 
reports. 

Hetty. (Puts World on l. of table) One of 
these fine mornings this whole street will be late 
for business. (Goes to cabinet l, for bread-and- 
butter plates) 

Larry. Oh, nonsense — old Shippy's never been 
known to miss a train, he keeps better time than the 
town clock. 

Hetty. (Bringing bread-and-butter plates l. 
of table) You men are perfectly ridiculous, a lot 
of sheep. You wait for Shipman, Rolliston waits 
for you. Colton for Rolliston and Applebee for 
Colton — (Puts dotvn plates and goes back to l, 
cabinet for cups and saucers) 

Larry, (Interrupting) Just think of the sleep 
I miss in a year by not living further up the block. 



THE COMMUTERS. 9 

Hetty. Oh, no, you'd stay out later. (Taking 
tzvo cups and saucers) 

Larry. {Looking dozvn at lazvn) I guess I'll 
have to use mange cure on this lawn. {Starfs ex- 
citedly) Someone's been on it. {Turns to Hetty) 
Were you? 

Hetty. (Coming down to table) I've a perfect 
right to, but I never even look at it. (Putting cups 
and saucers l.) 

Larry. (Coming dozvn-stage to l. c.) What's 
the use of my getting curvature of the spine try- 
ing to bring this lawn up in the way it should grow 
if everybody's going to walk on it. (Picks up 
World angrily) 

Hetty. It might seem sarcastic but why don't 
you plant a few keep-off-the-grass signs. (Laughs 
— goes to R. cabinet for tzvo glasses) 

Larry. How do you expect this grass to grow 
if you're going to laugh at it ? (Hetty comes dozvn 
to table) I wish you'd tell that maid of yours to 
keep off of it. 

Hetty, (Putting dozvn glasses r. and l.) I've 
given your positive instructions to Carrie. But, as 
she never does anything I tell her to 

Larry. (Interrupting) I'll talk to her, where is 
she? (Throzvs paper on chair l. of table) 

Hetty. Late as usual. (Up to r, cabinet for 
plates) 

Larry. (Dozvn l. a little) What do you ex- 
pect, allowing a maid to sleep at home? 

Hetty. It's such a relief to have a maid that T 
don't care where she sleeps. (Takes plates) Vd 
even let her sleep on the lawn. 

Larry. I'd like to see her try it. Why do you 
keep a girl who's always late? 

Hetty, (r. of table, placing the plates) Do 
you suppose I like it? (Puts dozvn first plate) I 
have to take what I can get in the way of servants 
and be thankful. (Puts dozvn second plate) Why 



10 THE COMMUTERS. 

should you grumble? I never say anything. Al- 
though it is I who has to be up early every other 
morning in time to get breakfast — make the fires — 
(Starts for sideboard r.) 

Larry. {Interrupting) Is there any hot water? 

Hetty. You should have stayed at home and 
shaved last night. You haven't time now. {Goes 
to sideboard r. and gets knives, forks and spoons) 

Larry. I can't go into town looking like this. 

Hetty. {Brings down knives and forks to r. 
of table) The men won't mind and any woman 
who has to take the 7 : 46 doesn't care what any man 
looks like. 

(Larry looks at her, starts to speak then exits 
furiously l. Hetty watches him off laughs 
then begins placing the knives and forks.) 

Larry. {Off-stage l., very pleasantly) Good- 
morning, Carrie 

{Enter Carrie l. very leisurely, utterly undiscon- 
certed by the fact that she is late, that her 
mistress is setting the table.) 

Carrie. {Languidly, standing l.) Oh, ma'am, 
is breakfast ready? 

Hetty. (Sarcastically) I'm sorry it's a 
few moments' late. (Hetty pauses momentarily ex- 
pecting Carrie to come to her assistance. But 
Carrie is removing slozvly the hat pins from her 
hat. Hetty resumes laying the knives and forks, 
etc. Very sarcastically) Which excuse is it this 
morning? Is your mother ill? Did you have the 
toothache all night ? Did you have to get your little 
brother off to school? (Up to sideboard^ r. of 
muffinier) 

Carrie, No'm, I just slep* in. (Taking ofif hat) 

Hetty. (Back to table with muffinier) I'm 



THE COMMUTERS. ii 

sorry you didn't have time to comb your hair. {Up 
to cabinet r. for finger-bozvls) 

Carrie. Why, it took me a half hour! Don't 
you hke my Turban swirl? 

Hetty. (Coming down with finger-bowls) 
What's that in your hair? 

Carrie. That's my cap 

Hetty. Where are the ones I gave you ? (Plac- 
ing finger-bozvls l. and r.) 

Carrie. They ain't becomin'. Don't you like 
this? I think it's awful cute. It's what I used to 
wear at Child's. 

Hetty. Child's is hardly setting the fashion for 
Auburn Manor. {Up to sideboard for salts and 
peppers) 

Carrie. If you expect me to wear one of them 
with streamers, I quits. It's this or none. 

Hetty. We'll dispense with caps— (Coming 
down to table, puts salts and peppers l. and r.) 

Carrie. What ? 

Hetty. Take it off, please— — 

Carrie. Oh ! 

(Hetty goes up to r. cabinet for sugar bowl and 
hell.) 

Hetty. And while I think of it, I want you to 
remember that people calling at this house, com- 
pany, you understand, must be announced — (Comes 
back to table) 

CAittiE. (Interrupting) No one gets by me 

Hetty. (Putting down bowl end bell) Yester- 
day, while I was shampooing my hair, you showed 
in a strange man 

Carrie. (Interrupting) Well, the plumber ain't 
company, is he? 

Hetty. It doesn't matter who they are, they 
must be announced. 



12 THE COMMUTERS. 

Carrie. (Glancing over table) Ain't you usin* 
napkins, no more ? 

Hetty. Thanks — {Goes to sideboard and gets 
napkins) And it isn't necessary for you to enter- 
tain my friends either. Mrs. Rolliston called the 
other day and when I came downstairs I found 
you sitting in there conversing with her. {Places 
napkins r. and l.) 

Carrie. Well, she was kickin' to me about the 
way maw done Mr. Rolliston's shirts. 

Hetty. Quite right, I must speak to your mother 
myself. {Starts for kitchen r.) She's using al- 
together too much blueing. 

Carrie. {Coming c. front of table) That's what 
I tell her. My shirtwaists is a sight. 

Hetty. {Stops) We won't discuss your shirt- 
waists. {Starts) And remember you must not talk 
with people when they call. {Goes a little further) 

Carrie. We cut maw's customers and hurt her 
trade. I don't want people to think I'm stuck up 
cause I don't chase their wash to them no more. 

Hetty. People, aren't thinking about you. 
(Hetty exits r. into kitchen) 

Carrie, (c. front of table) I wish I was back 
to " Childs'." All the customers so nice and friendly 
{Starts R.) 

Larry. {From off l.) Say, where's my shirt? 

Carrie. How should I know? {Over near 
kitchen door. Calls Mrs. Brice) Mrs. Brice, your 
husband's yelling for you — {Exits r.) 

(Hetty enters r. with two plates with fruit.) 

Larry. {Off "l.) Where's my tan shirt? 
Hetty. {Going to table and placing fruit r. and 
L.) Aren't you dressed yet? 

Larry. How can I dress without a shirt? 
Hetty. Where did you put it? 



THE COMMUTERS. 13 

Larry. Where I always put it. What did you do 
with it? 

Hetty. I don't wear your clothes. Look on the 
back of the door. {Runs up to zviudozv) Did you 
find it? 

Larry. Yes. 

Hetty. You'd better hurry. {Coming dozvn to 
R.) Shippy has finished the fi^ont page. {Exits 
quickly r. Telephone rings) 

Carrie. {Enters zvith pitcher of zuaier. Tele- 
phone is ringing) Shut up. {Rings again) Oh, 
wait a minute. {Pouring zvater in fmger-bozvls and 
glasses) Give a fellow a chance. {Slams pitcher 
on table crosses to telephone and snatches off re- 
ceiver angrily) Hello, yes, this is Mr. Brice's house. 
Who? Mrs. Shipman's maid. Are you the new 
one? Going to stay? yes, Auburn Manor is awful 
dull. Ain't a moving pitcher show in the place. 
What ? you want me to tell Mr. Brice, Mr. Shipman 
ain't feehng well — ain't going to town to-day. 
Aw right. Say, what's your name? Margaret? 
Mine's Caroline. I've been here three days. I'll 
come over to-night. Yes, I'll bring my gentleman 
friend. Good-bye, Maggie 

Larry. {Off l.) Where's my coat? 

(Hetty enters r. zvith covered dish of toast.) 

Carrie. {Dozvn to her) Now he's yapping for 
his coat — {Exits r.) 

Larry. {Enters from l. zvith pair of sJioes in 
hand) Where's my coat? 

Hetty. {Puts dozvn toast) Where did j^ou have 
it last? 

Larry. {Crossing to r. of table) Wore it 
Thursday. I remember I took it off Thursday 
night when I was watering the lawn. {Sits r. of 
table) 

Hetty. Isn't it upstairs? {Going l.) / 



14 THE COMMUTERS. 

Larry. Not unless you stuck it away somewhere. 
(Hetty exits l. Larry putting on shoes, tying 
laces) Can't put anything down in this house, 
somebody's always picking it up. (Carrie 
enters r. zvith tray with coffee, milk, and creain, 
places it on l. end of table) Wish my things could 
be left alone. {Finishing tying shoes) 

Carrie. 1 never touch 'em. (Exits r. with zvater- 
pitcher. Hetty enters l. with Larry's coat and hat 
— puts hat on chair above door — brings coat to him 
above table — he takes it) 

Larry. Where was it? 

Hetty. On the door of the coat closet. {Crosses 
to L. of table) 

Larry. You're always hanging everything up. 
{Throws coat on back of his chair, fixes his tie and 
putting in scarf-pin) This tie looks like the devil 
with this shirt. 

Hetty. {Pouring coffee) Oh, don't be fussy. 
Who's going to look at your tie? Hurry up and 
drink your cofifee. {Brings it to him front of table) 

Larry. I will not be hounded to death in my own 
house. {Snatches cup from her and places it on 
table — gets coat on) No eggs? {Coat half on and 
looking at table) 

Hetty. You haven't time for eggs. (Larry 
sits, Hetty goes up l.) 

Larry. Not even scrambled ? 

Hetty. No. 

(Larry sits and shoves his plate around, Hetty 
is looking for something.) 

Larry. Why don't you sit down and eat your 
breakfast ? 

Hetty. I can't eat with walking nervous pros- 
tration. Don't you realize your boss sailing at ten 
and you have to see him. Where are your shoes ? 
(^Looking under chairs over l.) 



THE COAIMUTERS. 15 

Larry. I had them when I came in. {Pititbig 
sugar in coffee, picks up Herald. Hetty looking 
around for them, sees them on Lakrv) 

Hetty. You have them on. 

Larry. You get me so upset in the morning. 
This commuting business is wearing" me out. {Props 
up paper against glass) 

Hetty. What about me? 

Larry. {Sliaking sugar out of muffinier on 
fruit) Living out here in Yapville when v/e might 
be in a cozy Harlem flat having some comforts and 
an egg once in a while. {Slaps muffinier doivn 
angrily. Fixes paper against muffinier) 

Hetty. Who made my life miserable, wishing he 
had a little place with a garden? (Larry reads 
paper) And now that you have it {Takes up paper 
from chair, puts it on table) instead of planting it, 
you sit up all night with Sammy Fletcher sowing 
a lovely crop of wild oats. {Sits l. of table) 

{Enter Mrs. Graham, from l.) 

Mrs. Graham. Good-morning, children. 
Hetty. Good-morning. 

{Rises, goes to her kisses her.) 

Larry. {Rises) Hello, Mater — (They kiss, he 
gets chair from l. above door and places it for her 
at back of table) V-/here are you going? 

Mrs. Graham. To town. 

Hetty. What for? {Sits) 

Mrs. Graham. Not a thing. Just shopping. 
I'm going on the 7 : 46 and T tho^ig'ht I'd stop 
for dear Larry. {Sitting back of table, Larry 
takes her coat and hangs it on tlie back of her chair 
and goes r.) 

Hetty. You'd better rim right along, mother. 
{Gets muffinier) Larry wo-.^'X make it if he doesn't 
stop sulking and eat his breakfast. 



i6 THE COMMUTERS. 

Larry. (Standing r. of Mrs. Graham) I'm 
not sulking. 

Mrs. Graham. Come, come, children. 

Larry. Well, she won't give me any eggs. 

Mrs. Graham. Oh, give the boy his eggs. 

Hetty. (Putting muffinier dozvn) He hasn't 
time. Mr. Rathbone is sailing 

Larry. (Interrupting in sing-song voice) At 
ten and I must see him. (Sits r. of table. Hetty 
is eating fruit) 

Mrs. Graham. (Looking at watch) There's 
lots of time. (Looks at clock on sideboard) My 
dear, your clock's crazy. It's ten minutes fast. 

Larry. (Looking sternly at Hetty) Can't even 
keep the clock right. I might have had ten minutes 
more in bed. (Hetty still eating fruit) 

Mrs. Graham. Poor Larry. (Larry rings bell 
on table) 

Hetty. Poor Larry ! No one thinks of me. I've 
been up since the screech of dawn, 

(Carrie enters r.) 

Larry. (Eating fruit) Eggs? 

Carrie. How many? 

Larry. About a peck. 

Hetty. (Severely) How do you wish them 
prepared ? 

Larry. Fried'll do. (Looking at Carrie) 

Carrie. I'll slip you mine — they're frying now — 
(Exits r.) 

(Larry and Mrs. Graham laugh.) 

Hetty. You're spoiling Carrie. I want you to 
be very severe with her 

Carrie. (Puts her head in the door like a Child's 
waitress) Two on the pan, sunny side up or sunny 
side down? 



THE COAI^IUrERS. 17 

Larry. What ? 

Carrie. Will you have 'em turned ? 

Larry. Rare, please 

(Carrie giggles and exits — Larry and Mrs. 
Graham laugh.) 

Hetty. Is that what you call being severe? 
You're like all the other men. They kick to their 
wives but haven't the moral courage to say anything 
to a servant. 

Mrs. Graham. Now, Hetty, you mustn't talk 
like that to Larry. The morning's no time to scold 
a man. 

Hetty. {Putting aside Jier fruit plate) There 
you go. What's the use of trying to train my hus- 
band if my own mother spoils it all by petting him? 
(Using finger-bowl) 

Mrs. Graham. Now Hetty, you know I never 
interfere but dear Larry has always been the best 
of sons to me and a good son, you know 

Larry. Makes a good husband — (Hands empty 
coffee cup to Hetty) 

Hetty. Tim.e was when I was of some im- 
portance in my own family. My feelings were con- 
sidered — {Pouring coffee) but, the King can do no 
wrong — (Passing coffee to Mrs. Graham zvlio gives 
it to Larry) Mother's quite riglit, of course, and 
I'm very, very sorry to have asked you to do what 
you should do without my asking. 

(Carrie enters quickly with covered dish of fried 
eggs — she places eggs near Larry, takes up his 
empty fruit plate — Comes back of Mrs. 
Graham and takes up Hetty's fruit plate and 
as Hetty is about to take cream pitcher Carrie 
pantomimes "No" and takes the pitcher.) 

Carrie. There's just enough cream for Mr. 



i8 THE COMMUTERS. 

Brice, (Crosses back to Larry and places it for 
him, smiling at him) 

Hetty, There was half a pint this morning. 
What became of it? 

Carrie. {Fruit plate in each hand) The cat got 
it. 

Larry. ( Who has started to pour cream — stops) 
Milk for mine. (Pitts it down) 

Carrie. What's the matter with it? Jeannette's 
a perfectly clean cat. (Carrie flounces out of the 
room R.) 

Hetty. I can't stand this life another minute — 
(Turns front in chair — begins to cry) 

Mrs. Graham. Why, Hetty! 

Hetty. This everlasting servant difficulty's, got- 
ten on my nerves. I guess I'm a failure at house- 
keeping. 

Larry. Well, it's taken you two years to find it 
out. (Puts milk in coffee) 

Hetty. (To Mrs. Graham) How can you sit 
there like a stoking bottle and hear your child 
abused? My failure thrown in my teeth. 

Larry. I didn't mean it that way. (Puts pitcher 
doTvn) 

Mrs. Graham. (Passing milk to Hetty) No, 
Hetty, he didn't mean it that way. 

Hetty. (Taking up pitcher of milk) Allow me 
to understand my own husband, (Puts milk in 
coffee) 

Larry. (Rising) Why you're a bully little 
housekeeper. Mater, haven't I always said she was 
a corker? 

Mrs. Graham. Of course, Larry, you have 
criticised the cooking 

(Larry crosses back from Mrs. Graham to her l.) 

Hetty. There, you see, you talk about me behind 



THE COMMUTERS. 19 

my back to my own family and — {To Mrs. 
Graham) still you take his part. 

Mrs. Graham. Larry, do I ever show the 
slightest partiality ? 

Hetty. I'm sure I wear my fingers to the bone. 
{Turning front cries again) 

Larry, (l. of her) Dear Httle soft fingers — 
{Puts arm around her) 

Hetty. They're not. Look where I burnt myself 
yesterday cooking your old pudding. 

Larry. We'll kiss it and make it well. {Kisses 
her finger) ' 

(Mrs. Graham rises and starts to tiptoe off r.) 

Hetty. (Pouting) I don't care — (She sees her 
mother tihtoeing out of the room) Mother, what 
are you doinp-? 

Larry. Say the word. Hettv, and I'll go out and 
fire Carrie on the spot. (Goes hack of Hetty 
quickly r. c.) 

Hetty. And who'll do the breakfast dishes ? 

Mrs. Graham. (Over r.) Isn't that iust like 
a man ? You two finish your breakfast, I'll go out 
and say a few words to Carrie 

Hetty. Oh, mother, be careful, she'll quit if you 
look at her. 

Mrs. Graham. StuflP and nonsense' I've had 
twentv servants since I've lived in Auburn Manor 
and I've done worse than look at them. (Exits r.) 

(Larry returns to r. of table and sits.) 

Hetty. I'm sorry that I was nasty, Larry. But, 
oh. these servants ! 

Larry. (Taking eggs out of dish) Now don't 
jump on me, but do you think you treat them 
right ? 



20 THE COMMUTERS. 

Hetty. (Angry, but controlling herself) What 
do you mean, dear ? 

Larry. You know, after all, they're human 
beings 

Hetty. {Turning and speaking quickly) I try 
earnestly to remember that. (Takes a piece of 
toast) 

Larry. They must lead rather lonesome lives. 
(Takes a piece of toast) I think you ought to take 
a little interest in their affairs. Be kind to them. 
Give them little amusements. There's something 
wrong somewhere. (Eating) Now, we have no 
trouble with our stenographers. (Fixing eggs) 

Hetty. Oh, so vou take a little interest in them, 
and give them little amusements. TLarry tries to 
protest with mouth full of food) Well, I can't ^o 
round my house making eyes at my maid, and chuck- 
ing her under the chin. 

Larry. I don't chuck my stenoo-ranher under the 
chin. There isn't a chin in the office v(^orth chuck- 
ing. (Eating again) Nice way to talk about me. 
You know I haven't eyes for any woman but vou. 

Hetty. Then why don't you stay at home and 
look at me? (Takes a piece of toast) 

Larry. Listen to her ! You'd think T neglected 
her. 

Hetty. Well, you weren't home, last night, were 
you ? 

Larry. Neither was Rolliston. 

Hetty. He's been married longer and it's more 
excusable. 

Larry. Fan would like to hear that. 

Hetty. It's Fan's aflfair, I've my own troubles. 
We've been out here only a year and you've stayed 
in town four nights. 

Larry. Three at the most. 

Hetty. Four. I counted them last night. I have 
them marked on the calendar. Four red letter nights. 
(Counting on her fingers) 



THE COMMUTERS. 21 

Larry. (Takes tip paper and begins to read) 
Do you want a man to give up his men friends ? 

Hetty. No, but you ought to give up Sammy 
Fletcher. Four nights ! It's terrible. You're get- 
ting tired of me. {Begins to cry) 

Larry. (Looks at her — puts dozvn paper) Oh, 
Hetty, tired of you. I just live and work for you. 
You know that. (Rises and crosses back to her l.) 
Why, you're more to me than all the friends in the 
world. There isn't one in the whole blooming lot 
that matters along side of you. 
Hetty. Not even Sammy? 
Larry. Sammy to the ash-heap. 
Hetty, Oh, I wouldn't have you give him up for 
the world, only you won't see him again for a long 
time — will you ? 

Larry. Not for a month of Sundays. (Puts arm 
around her) 

^ Hetty. Well, you're a real nice boy and you may 
kiss me. (Larry kisses her) 

RoLLiSTON. (Appears at window c.) Here, 
here, if you kids want to spoon, pull down the blinds. 
Larry. Say, get off the lawn ! (Running up to l. 
of c. window) 
RoLLisTON. Lawn : where ? 

Larry. You're standing on it, saphead. There 
are doors to this house, use them. 

RoLLiSTON. Oh, don't get sore about a couple 
of blades of grass. (He disappears around the 
house R.) 

Larry, (Calling after him) It's easy for you to 
talk. You haven't watched them like a father. Til 
nail this window — (Coming down to table) 
Hetty, Why, we'll smother. 
RoLLisTON. (Off-stage r.) Good-morning, Mrs. 
Graham, 

Mrs. Graham. (Off-stage r.) Good-morning, 
Mr. Rolliston. 



22 THE COMMUTERS. 

(Larry sits r. of table.) 

Carrie. (Off-stage) You can't go in. You gotta 
to be announced. (Appears at the door, barring 
the entrance of Rolliston) Mr. Rolliston's call- 
ing. 

Hetty. Don't be absurd, Carrie. Come in Rollie. 

(Rolliston enters folloived by Mrs. Graham ivho 
gets chair at r. brings it down r. c. and sits.) 

Carrie. No matter what you do in this house, 
you're in bad — (Exits) 

Rolliston. (Runs up to window and looks off 
L.) I hope Fan didn't see me. 

Hetty. Why ? 

Rolliston. I started to make the 7:23, missed 
it. Fan said I would, so I sneaked in here by the 
back way. I don't want her to have the pleasure of 
saying, " I told you so." 

Hetty. You men are all alike. You'll both miss 
the 7 : 46 if you aren't careful. 

Rolliston. Oh, lots of time. Shippy is on the 
porch. (Looks off r.) 

Larry. (Takes another piece of toast) Don't 
mind Hetty, she's nervous this morning. Had me up 
ten minutes too soon. 

Rolliston. Grounds for a divorce. Any jury of 
commuters will give you a verdict. (Comes down l. 
and puts hat on chair l. below door l.) 

Hetty. Mr. Rathborn is sailing at ten and Larry 
must see him before he goes. (Turning to Rollis- 
ton) What pleasure do you men derive from run- 
ning for trains? 

Rolliston. Great for the circulation. 

(Larry, Rolliston and Mrs. Graham laugh.) 
Hetty. I don't think that's a bit funny. 



THE CPj\aiUTERS. 23 

RoLLiSTON. What's killed your sense of humor? 

Hetty. Early rising. (Looks at 'Larry) 

Mrs. Graham. Now, Hetty. (To Rolliston) 
How is Mrs. Rolliston? 

Rolliston. Well — but some peevish. (Strok- 
ing his face) 

Hetty. I don't wonder, you staying out all 
night. 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) Oh. Hetty. 
(To Rolliston) How is Rolliston second? 

(Larry and Hetty glare at Mrs. Graham.) 

Rolliston. Bobby? (Coming back of table) 
Oh, he's great. He is certainly one wonder kid. 
Heard his latest ? 

(Larry, Hetty and Mrs. Graham grow tired.) 

Larry. Sure, heard 'em all. 
Rolliston. Not this one, only happened yester- 
day. 

Larry. (Resigned) Fire away ! 

(Rolliston sits back of table.) 

Mrs. Graham. I think we should be going — 
(Rising quickly) 

Larry. (Rising, stops her, she sits oaain) Oh, 
mater, let him get this oPf his chest. (Goes to side- 
board R. for cigarette and matches) 

Rolliston. The kids were playing baseball. The 
minister passed. (He laiicjhs uproariously) That 
kid's a wonder — (Hetty, Mrs. Graham a7id Larry 
wear pained expressions) Bobby eoes up to the 
minister — (Rolliston laugh uproariously again. 
Larry interrupting) 

Larry. (Offering Rolliston a cigarette which 
he refuses with a gesture) Is this a serial? 



24 THE COMMUTERS. 

RoLLiSTON. It's SO funny. Bobby says are you 
an honest man ? — and — the 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) Why, I've never 
heard a word against the minister, have you Hetty ? 

RoLLiSTON. (Interrupting) The minister said I 
think I am, and Bobby said — (Rolliston laughs up- 
roariously, the others are still tired) And Bobby 
said, well, you can hold my bat while I tie my 
shoe. (He has spoken the answer through the laugh 
and it is quite unintelligible — Rolliston sees that 
they are not laughing and is annoyed) 

Hetty. We didn't get the point. 

Rolliston. Oh! Minister — Honest Man — well, 
you can hold my bat while I tie my shoe. (Laughs 
again) 

(Hetty and Larry laugh feebly, Mrs. Graham not 
at all.) 

Mrs. Graham. What a thing to say to a minister ! 
The crying evil of this age is the children's utter 
lack of reverence. 

Rolliston. Fan's going to send it to the Ladies 
Home Journal. Don't you think it's funny? (To 
Hetty) Minister? (To Larry) Honest Man? 

Larry. (Interrupting) We got you, we got 
you. (Sits R. of table) 

CoLTON. (Off-stage l.) Anybody at home? 

Hetty. Oh, come in, Mr. Colton. (Rises and 
goes to door l.) 

(Enter Colton. In his arms are two boxes. He 
bows over the top of them to everybody.) 

Colton. I did ring. 

(Hetty takes his hat and places it on chair above 
door L.) 



THE COMMUTERS. 



*5 



Mrs. Graham. Good-morning, Mr. Colton. 

CoLTON. Good-morning. 

RoLLisTON. Hello, Colton. 

CoLTON. Hello, RoUie. 

Larry. Sit down, Willie. {He sits in chair l. of 
table and places the boxes on floor beside him) 

Colton. (To Hetty zvho is down l.) Mrs. 
Colton sent me over to ask if you could take the 
Minerva Club this afternoon? 

Hetty. Why, yes, if Carrie doesn't object. 
What's the matter? 

Colton. The lady we live with has left. 

Hetty. Not the one that came last night ? 

CoTON. The same — too lonesome. 

RoLLisTON. You ought to be more companion- 
able. 

Colton. I offered to, but Mrs. Colton couldn't 
see it that way. 

Mrs. Graham. You'd better go right to Mrs. 
Hackenschmidt. She's on the 6th Ave. — I think it's 
629 

Hetty. (Interrupting) Oh, mother, I never 
had any luck there. (To Colton) Go right to Ellis 
Island. 

Rolltston. (Interrupting) Try ]\Irs. Polk's 
Select Domestic Bureau up on 59th Street near the 
Park. Reduced Gentlewomen. Occasionally you'll 
meet an interesting Southern widow. 

{Exchange of looks betzveen Mrs. Graham and 
Hetty.) 

Colton. (Takes out notebook) I'll make a note 
of Mrs. Polk's. (Drops samples on fable) 

RoLLiSTON. (Snatches samples and holding them 
tip) Larry wouldn't you know he hadn't been 
married a month ? Samples to match. 

(Colton reaches for them and snatches them out of 
his hand.) 



26 THE COMMUTERS. 

Larry. Can't you see him. " Say, Miss, I want 
some heliotrope lace on the bias. Gimme enough to 
trim a waist." 

Mrs. Graham. (Laughing) Larry behave. 

RoLLiSTON. What's in the package? 

Larry. {Rising and looking at package) I'll bet 
he's going to exchange something. 

CoLTON. I am not — only going to credit a pair of 
slippers and a shirt waist. 

(Larry and Rolliston laugh uproariously. Larry 
sits.) 

Hetty. (Coming above Colton and between 
CoLTON and Rolltston) It wouldn't hurt either 
of you to be as obliging. (To Colton) Will you 
'phone Mrs. Crane about the club? 

Colton. Yes, I'll attend to it. (Writes in note- 
book) 

Larry. I can see this is going to be your busy 
day. 

Hetty. (Comes over to Mrs. Graham on her 
L.) Well I must go out and break it gently to Car- 
rie that I'm going to have a party. Mother will 
come with me. I need your moral support in this 
crisis. 

(Mrs. Graham rises — goes r. Hetty puts Mrs. 
Graham's chair against wall r.) 

Rolliston. Who's Mrs. Crane when she's at 
home? 

Mrs. Graham. Mrs. Julia Stickney Crane, a 
most enlightened woman. She gives us the most in- 
structive little talks on Shaw and Ibsen and Henry 
James and all those funny men. 

Larry. Highbrow stuff. 

Hetty (l. of mother) Don't let them tease 
you, mother. Of course our literary pursuits must 



THE COMMUTERS. 27 

seem tame to graduates of Sammy Fletcher's night 
school for husbands, 

CoLTON. What's that ? Sounds good to me. 

RoLLiSTON. You're elected. 

Hetty. Poor Mrs. Colton ! 

RoLLiSTON. Come now, Hetty, all is not frivolity 
at our night school. You should have heard Larry 
last night. 

Hetty. I did at 2 A. M. 

Larry. You were fast asleep. 

RoLLisTON. We had some debate. Larry, for 
conjugal bliss and commuting versus. Sammy for 
bachelor flats and taxicabs. Larry offered to 
prove his case by bringing Sammy out to spend the 
day. (Mrs. Graham exits r.) Why 

Hetty. (Interrupting) What! Mr. Samuel 
Fletcher spend a day in my house. No, thank you. 
I've had all I want of your Sammy. (Exits r.) 

RoLLiSTON. Say, Larry, what did you do with 
him? 

Larry. What him? 

RoLLisTON. Sammy ? 

Larry. Sammy ? 

RoLLisTON. Why, you brought Sammy out here 
last night. 

Larry. Oh, what are you talking about ? 

RoLLiSTON. I tell you, you and Sammy were 
soused to the eyebrows and you insisted on Sammy 
coming out to sample the commuter's life. 

Larry, Are you crazy? 

RoLLisTON. I left you last night at your front 
gate. You were showing Sammy the lawn. Oh, 
Colton, they were immense. 

Larry. (Rising quickly and pointing off l.) 
Good Lord ! He's upstairs in the spare room, now. 

RoLLiSTON, How did Hetty take it? 

Larry. She doesn't know. I forgot all about 
him. I must have been pickled. I've got to 
get him out of here quick. (Crosses quickly L.) 



28 THE COMMUTERS. 

RoLLiSTON. Here! You better stay home to- 
day and square yourself. 

Larry. I can't. Rathbone's sailing at ten and if 
I miss that boat I'll lose my meal ticket. What in 
blazes can I do? 

RoLLisTON. Break it to her gently. 

Larry. {Crosses to him) Break it to her gently ! 
You heard her when you merely suggested his 
coming. What will she say if she knows he's here 
uninvited ? ( Goes l. ) 

RoLLiSTON. Of course, you know your own wife 
best. But if it were me I'd tell her. 

Larry. {Standing l. c.) And lose my happy 
home? {Goes to Rolliston) I've just promised 
her I wouldn't see him for months. {Back l. c. 
again ) 

CoLTON. And he's upstairs? {Screams with 
laughter) 

Larry. Funny, isn't it? 

Rolliston. It is, damn funny — {Laughs) 

Larry. Don't sit here and laugh. I tell you I've 
got to get Sammy out of here. Hetty might see him. 
How can I get her out of the house? 

CoLTON. Suggest that she go over and tell Mrs. 
Colt on it's all right about Minerva. 

Larry. One on the brow for you. {Kisses his 
hand and slaps Colton on forehead) 

Rolliston. Think of that for a young husband 
new at the game ! Shake. 

(CoLTON and Rolliston shake.) 

Larry. {Between Rolliston and Colton) 
Now, business of conversation and hearty laughter 
while I chase upstairs. {Starts for door l.) 

Rolliston. I'll tell him Bobby's new story. 

CoLTON. Let me go upstairs — {Rises quickly and 
starts to run off) 

Larry. {Stopping him and pushing him back 



THE COMMUTERS. 29 

hito chair) It is awful, Colton. Do this for me and 
I'll remember you in my prayers. (Starts for door 
again) 

Hetty. (Entering quickly from r.) Where are 
you going, Larry? 

Larry. (Confused) I've got to get a handker- 
chief. 

Hetty. Finish your coflfee. I'll get it. (Crosses 
quickly l.) 

Larry. (Rushes at her. Stops her) Oh, no, 
you've been up so early. You must be tired. 

_ Hetty. (Suspiciously) Why this sudden con- 
sideration ? What have you been doing ? 

Larry. Oh, nothing, nothing — (Brings chair 
and places it l. c.) Sit down and rest awhile and 
talk to the boys. RoUiston is going to tell Colton 
the story. 

Hetty. No, I'd rather go. (Rises and starts for 
door) 

Colton. They're walking out on you, Rollie. 

Hetty. There must be some handkerchiefs in 
the spare-room. (Turns to go out) 

Larry. (Snatching handkerchief from Colton's 
pocket) Here, I have one. Put it in the wrong 
pocket. Ha! Ha! (Goes up to windozv c.) 

Hetty. (Sitting in chair l. c.) I don't want to 
seem inhospitable but I think you gentlemen had 
better go. 

Larry. (Looking out window) Oh, Shippy's 
still there. 

Colton. How about the club, Mrs. Brice ? 

Larry. (Down to her quickly) I think I'd run 
over and tell Mrs. Colton's it's "all right, dearie. 

Hetty. Why, I can telephone her later. Do you 
want to get rid of me ? 

Larry. Oh, no— not at all— (5arJ^ of table to 
R. c. — taking a cigarette from hox on table as he 
passes to r. c.) 



30 THE COIUMUTERS. 

Hetty. Oh, I wish you'd go, Larry. It makes 
me so nervous. 

CoLTON. How did Carrie take it? 

Hetty. She isn't exactly frantic with joy. My 
temper was going, so mother suggested that I re- 
tire from the scene of war. 

Larry. (Running quickly across in front of table 
to Hetty and back of her) Do you think it's right 
to leave your mother out there in the kitchen alone 
to fight your battles? (Trying to get her out of 
chair) 

Hetty. Why not? She's enjoying it. 

RoLLiSTON. (To Colton) Bobby met the 
minister. (Grabbing Colton's arm. Colton tries 
to shake him off) 

Larry. (Interrupting — trying to make Hetty 
rise) Why don't you put on your hat and walk on 
ahead with the mater? Do you good to get a little 
air. Then on the way home, you can stop at Mrs. 
Colton's. 

Hetty. I've had enough exercise for one morn- 
ing. (Larry in despair goes up to window, then 
doivn L. c.) 

RoLLiSTON. Bobby met the minister 

Colton. (To Larry) You'd better tell her. 

Applebee. (Appears at window c.) Anybody 
hurt ? 

Larry, (Up to window) Say, get ofif that lawn ! 

Applebee. What lawn? Who's hurt? 

Larry. You'll be in a minute. 

Applebee. What's the accident? 

Larry, There'll be one if you don't get off that 
lawn, 

Applebee. (Coming in through zvindozu) Madge 
saw Rolliston and Colton come in and thought so^ae- 
thing had happened. 

Hetty. Everything's all right. 

Larry. All right! 

Applebee. (Coming down to r. of table) ' I wish 



THE CO^IMUTERS. 31 

Madge would keep away from the front windows 
and let a man have his breakfast in peace. (Sits) 

Larry. {Comes doivn grabs Hetty) Why, 
Hetty — get ]\Ir. Applebee a cup of coffee — {Run- 
ning her off R.) 

Hetty. I — I 

Larry, You wouldn't see a man starving in your 
own house? (Hetty exits r. — Larry crosses back 
to L.) 

RoLLiSTON. The kid said to the minister — you 
haven't heard this, Applebee 

Larry. {Coining to Rolliston's l.) Oh, dry 
up on that kid. Now listen to me. Roliie you wait 
for the mater and take her to the train. I'll sneak 
Sammy out the front way. Tell Hetty I've gone 
on — see 

{Enter Carrie with coffee cup folloxved by Mrs. 
Graham.) 

Carrie. Oh, Mr. Brice, Mr. Shipman ain't 
taking the train to-day. {Train whistles off l.) 

(Applebee jumps — dashes through zvindoiv at back. 
CoLTON grabs boxes and dashes for hat which 
is on chair at left above door l. He collides 
with RoLLiSTON zvho is dashinq for hat on chair 
L. belozu door l. Larry stands l. of table 
irresolute. Colton grabs hat, rushes for 
windoiv, collides with Larry tvho getting out of 
Colton's zvay bumps into Rolliston — Colton 
exits through zvindozu.) 

Larry. Damn Rathbone— — 

Mrs. Graham. {Coming on quickly from r.) 
Oh, boys, wait for me 

Larry. (Talking over shoulder as he exits') 
Tell LIrs. Brice it's all right — Man upstairs — tele- 
phone — (Mrs. Graham rushes up to window. 
Rolliston r. Larry l. of her. They each grab her 



32 THE COMMUTERS. 

by the elbow and the three jump out of the window. 
As Hetty runs on from r.) 

Hetty. There's the train — {Up to window, 
stands there at window) Say, get off that lawn 

(Carrie places cup on table — goes to sideboard r. 
with cigarette box. Sammy enters l. in evening 
dress. ) 

Carrie. {Turns sees 'Lastly. Screams) Help! 
Help ! 

(Hetty turns, sees Larry, screams and rushes over 
to Carrie r. They stand there in each other's 
arms screaming. Larry smiling foolishly at 
them.) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 



Scene: — The living-room of the Brice home. 

Time : — Afternoon of the same day. It is a square 
room, the walls being treated in a manner 
similar to those of the dining-room, except 
that the wall paper is different in design and 
color. At r. 2 E. is a windozv with valence and 
curtains. In front of the window is an arm- 
chair. Above the window on an angle is a 
fireplace with fender fireirons, fire screen and 
andirons. On the mantel are vases of flowers, 
photograph frames and a small clock. On the 
breast of the mantel electric brackets zvith 
shades. At r. of fireplace, between it and the 
window is a small round table on ivhich is a tall 
vase of flowers, book ends with books, cigarette 



THE COMAIUTERS. 33 

box and match stand. On the zvall above table 
is a push button. On the wall belozv zvindozv r. 
is an electric szvilch. At right angles to the 
fireplace a couch zvith piUoics. Back of it a 
long table on zchich is a lamp with shade, a 
desk set, a telephone, zvrlting materials, etc., 
and tzvo small vases of flowers. Back of this 
table a small chair. At r. center back are 
double glass doors leading to a veranda zvith 
a lozv balustrade. On the veranda, on each side 
of the door, is a pot containing a formal box tree. 
At R. of door is a small table zvith a tall vase of 
flowers. At l. against the stairway, is a narrow 
consol on zvJiich are a parasol, gloves, etc. 
Underneath the table a large and gaily colored 
market basket. Starting from the center of the 
stage and a little l. of c. a flight of stairs 
leads up and to l. to a balcony. From the 
balcony are tzvo doors leading from about 
L. I E. and L. 2 E. to the bedroom. These 
doors have interior backings. In the zvall above 
the landing is a high zvindozv with valence and 
cnrtains. On the landing is a copper vessel 
zvith grozving ferns. Underneath the balcony 
at L. of stage are double glass doors leading to 
dining-room. The backing for these doors is a 
part of the first act-set. Above the doors and 
underneath the stairs is a coat closet in zvhich 
ore coats, etc. At r. of the closet against the 
zvall, is a small table zvith lamp and shade and 
vase of f.ozvers. At l. c. is a large square table 
on zvhich are m.agasines, a bozvl of fiozvers, and 
a picture puz.de. There is an armchair l. of 
table, an armchair r. of table and a small chair 
back of table. At the rise of curtain at c. of 
stage is a small round table used bv Mrs. Crane 
for the notes and later placed by Hetty against 
the zvall l. belozv the doors to dining-room. The 
furnishings and decorations of this room should 



34 THE COMMUTERS. 

be simple but exquisite in taste. At the rise of 
the curtain are disclosed standing in the center 
of the room, Mrs. Julia Stickney Crane — 
seated facing her from r. to l. are: Mrs. Ship- 
man, Mrs. Colton, Mrs. Graham, Mrs. 
Applebee, Hetty Brice, Mrs. Rolliston — 
they are listening with rapt attentin to Mrs. 
Crane — Mrs. Graham is fanning herself 
vigorously — Mrs, Applebee languidly. 

Before rise of curtain Mrs. Crane's voice 



Mrs. Crane. {Standing c.) When we get to 
the bottom of the question, we find that the lawn- 
makers want woman to be restricted to one sort of 
work — (Curtain rises') And I say to you, women 
of the Minerva Association for the — the — {Consul- 
ting notes — All ladies leaning forward) promul- 
gation of Higher Civic Ideals — woman has been en- 
slaved too long by man, bound in the chains of 
economic subjection. {She pauses impressively and 
then consults notes) 

Mrs. Colton. (Seated r. end of couch, to Mrs. 
Graham) What does economic mean? 

Mrs. Graham. (Seated l. end of couch, to Mrs. 
Colton) My dear, Mrs. Colton, I haven't the 
vannest idea. 

Mrs. Crane. You wives 

Mrs. Colton. (Interrupting^) Excuse me, Mrs. 
Crane — what does economic mean? 

Mrs. Crane. Why, the economical 

Mrs. Colton. (Interrupting) Excuse me, Mrs. 
Crane I'm very economical. Willie, Mr. Colton is. 
Willie, says it's wonderful the way I manage with 
money. You see, I charge everything. 

{The other women with the exception of Mrs. Gra- 
ham look annoyed at the interruption — Mrs. 
Graham pats Mrs. Colton's hand) 



THE COMMUTERS. 35 

Mrs. Crane. {Scornfully) You wives are 
merely the subjects of your husband's bounty, strike 
off those chains. {Her eye happens to fall on Mrs. 
Shipman) 

Mrs. Shipman. {Seated in chair extreme r. 
nettled) Really, if you mean me, I'm not in chains, 
I'd like to see any man try it. 

Mrs. Crane. {Witheringly) My dear Mrs. 
Shipman, the individual must not be confounded 
with the masses. {Turns to notes) 

Mrs. Shipman. Certainly not. (Mrs. Crane 
turns to her) I've no intention of being confounded 
with the masses. My mother was one of the Colon- 
ial Dames and my father on his step-father's side 
comes right down from the Mayflower. {She draws 
herself up proudly) 

Mrs. Crane. {Annoyed) Where was I? {Con- 
sidting notes) Special sale of French models — no — • 
Woman has been enslaved — Oh, yes, woman has too 
long been treated as a mere toy 

Mrs. Applebee. {Seated r. of table l. c. In- 
terrupting) As Byron said: "Woman is the 
drudge of the universe." 

Mrs. Crane. I think that pearl of great price 
dropped from the lips of our eminent Leader, Mrs. 
Parkhurst. 

Mrs. Applebee, Possibly I read so much. As 
Mr. Applebee says, Madge always has her nose in a 
book. 

Mrs. Crane. Truly as (Mrs. Applebee makes 
movement Us if about to speak) whoever says it — we 
needn't go into that — woman is the drudge of tlie 
universe. She slaves over all the stoves in Christen- 
dom. 

Fan. {Seated l. of table l. c.) What's she 
going to do. You can't keep a servant for love or 
money in the suburbs. Really, the way they object 
to childern and who could object to Bobby. 

Mrs. Crane. That's it. The present economical 



36 THE COMMUTERS. 

treatment of women is inimical to the development 
of the race. Motherhood is really a profesion, the 
same as that of the butcher, the baker, the 

Mrs. Applebee. {Interrupting) " The Candle- 
stick Maker." From Dante, I think. 

Fan. {To Mrs. Crane) /it's easily seen, Mrs. 
Crane, you're not a mother, v 

Mrs. Crane. My dear, Mrs. Rolliston, while I 
may have negelcted my opportunity in that field of 
endeavor, nevertheless, one must not narrow life 
dov/n to the limits of the nursery. It's only by an 
effort that the average mother remembers that little 
Lucy's prettiness and little Bobby's precocious prat- 
tle are not as engrossing topics to all men as they 
are to her. 

Fan. {Rising) Are you being personal, Mrs. 
Crane ? Bobby's a very bright boy for his age, but I 
never knew before that I bored people with his "pre- 
cocious prattle." 

Hetty. {Rises) I'm sure, Fan, Mrs. Crane 
didn't mean your Bobby. (Mrs. Rolliston sits) 

Mrs. Crane. I didn't even know that Mrs. Rol- 
liston had a Bobby — we'll call him Sammy — Sammy 
— {Consults notes — suddenly Sammy Fletcher 
pokes his head out of the spare room door — he is in 
his evening trousers, dress shirt, and a red four-in- 
hand tie — Hetty sees him, and motions him hack 
into room — she sits again) These interruptions — 
while showing your keen appreciation of my humble 
efforts to illustrate woman's true place in the world. 
{She pauses and looks over notes carefidly) 

Mrs. Colton. {To Mrs. Graham) She said 
that before. 

Mrs. Graham. {To Mrs. Colton) Hush, my 
dear, don't let her lose the thread or she'll never get 
through. 

Mrs. Crane. I do not regard women as mere 
chattels, and when I mentioned earlier in this little 



THE COMMUTERS. 37 

talk about holding all things in common, I did not 
mean communal ownership of wives. 

Mrs. Shipman. I should hope not. 

Mrs. Colton. I don't think I understand. 

Mrs. Graham. It isn't proper for you to under- 
stand — (Rises) Really, Hetty I think we should 
excuse Mrs. Colton. 

Mrs. Colton. I don't want to be excused. 

(Mrs. Graham sits again.) 

Mrs. Applebee. As Maeterlinck says — " Strong 
meat for babes." 

Mrs. Colton. I'm not a baby — (Rises and comes 
to Mrs. Crane's r.) I'm a married woman now 
and can hear anything. (To Mrs. Crane) What's 
communal ownership ? 

Mrs. Crane. The communal ownership o£ 
wives means the joint ownership. 

Mrs. Colton. But, I don't want to belong to 
anyone but Willie. (She breaks down and cries) 

Mrs. Graham. (Rises and takes Mrs. Colton's 
back to her seat) I knew this lecture would be too 
much for her. 

Mrs. Crane. (Very much annoyed, but with 
acid szueetness) Ladies, ladies, I cannot restrain 
my thoughts on these burning issues of the hour to 
the level of the school girl. 

Mrs. Applebee. Ah, Mrs. Crane, your thoughts 
are Art's true expression and all art is immoral. 

Mrs. Crane. Exactly — (Looking at notes) 
Why should a woman sit quietly by the domesc'c 
hearth. That is part of the monstrous waste that 
goes on in the world. She should step boldly forth 
and seize her share, her glorious share in its better- 
ment. 

Fan. What of her children? 

Mrs. Crane. She should not be a slave to her 
children. (Mrs. Shtpman looks at watch and edges 
to her chair) for in conclusion — (Everybody looks 



38 THE COMMUTERS. 

relieved mid sinks hack in their seats) I must im- 
press on you the great truth, the wonderful trvith 
which must be borne in mind when you think of 
devoting your life to your family to the neglect of 
the suffering humanity. You must remember and 
ponder on this sublime and immortal truth, that, the 
youngest child, even if it lives, must grow up. (She 
pauses impressively, the women are a little taken 
back and then applaud) 

(Mrs. Shipman looking at watch rises precipitately 
and comes r. of c.) 

Hetty, (Rises and meets her l. of c.) Oh, 
you're not going, Mrs. Shipman ? 

Mrs. Shipman. I must, really; it's been so in- 
structive, Mrs. Crane. (Mrs. Crane who has gone 
up to table, at back of couch, to get her wrap comes 
down R. of Mrs. Shipman) I agree with you per- 
fectly. Women must not be tied to the Home Circle 
but I've a new maid and I'm a little worried about 
the dinner. (Hetty takes small stand and places it 
over L.) and my husband's so fussy about his food. 
My! It's five o'clock. It's high time the potatoes 
were on. (Hetty returns to l. of c. Mrs. Ship- 
man bows to the ladies and to Mrs. Crane, and 
exits c and r. hurriedly — Hetty goes to door with 
her) 

Mrs. Crane. (Coming c.) Oh, the passion of 
discouragement that seizes me when I perceive the 
utter hopelessness of going on with my great task 
in a world full of Mrs. Shipmans. 

Mrs. Applebee. (Rising and coming to Mrs. 
Crane) My dear, do not give up your brave 
struggle. (Brings her dotvn to chair from which 
Mrs. Applebee has risen. Mrs. Crane sits, Mrs. 
Applebee stands r. of her) Continue to scatter 
your little seeds of discontent (Mrs. Crane gives 



THE COMMUTERS. 39 

her her hand) for as Bernard Shaw says : " Great 
trees from little acorns grow." (Hetty comes dozvn 
R. of c.) 

Mrs. Colton. (Rises and comes to Hetty r.) 
I must be going, Mrs. Brice. 

Hetty. Why ? 

Mrs. Colton. Willie might come home and if 
I'm not there he'll be so lonesome. 

Fan. Mv, dear, take it from an old married 
woman, beapi now as you intend to go on. 

Hetty.v (Leading Mrs. Colton to chair dozvn 
R. Mrs. Applebee goes up to r. of c.) Wait, 
my dear, until you've looked for a husband on the 
6:13 — and then when you see him dead and 
mangled — (Mrs. Colton sits) he strolls in at 7:45 
serene and smiling, and sulks because you're not 
glad to see him. (Sits on couch r. of Mrs. Graham) 

Mrs. Graham. I'm a patient woman but I've 
seen the time when Hetty's father came home and 
I was so glad to see him I could have slaughtered 
him. 

Mrs. Crane. (Rising) Ladies, before we 
adjourn this, the last meeting of the season, I should 
be glad to answer any questions. If my discourses 
have suggested any of paramount interest. 

{The women sit thinking seriously — Mrs. Colton 
after glancing about.) 

Mrs. Colton. Would you mind giving me the 
name of your dressmaker? 

Mrs. Crane. It's a Paquin model. (Puts on 
wrap and turns to shozu to the best advantage) 
That reminds me. Mm.e. Fianapan is having a 
special sale to-morrow of French models and while 
it is an inestimable privilege to open this wider field 
to your inquiring minds. I must hurry away for she 
promised me a private view. 



40 THE COMMUTERS. 

(Mrs. Crane goes l., Fan rises and shakes hands 
with her. Hetty rises and goes up to door c.) 

Fan. That's right, go early and avoid the rush. 
{Other ladies rise) 

(Mrs. Crane turns and meets Mrs. Colton r. of c.) 

Mrs. Colton. {Meets her c.) It's been so sweet, 

Mrs. Graham. {To Mrs. Crane) A spade — 
{To Mrs. Colton) I'm sure she's called a spade. 

Mrs. Crane. Thank you, so much — {As she 
turns to go — Mrs. Applebee meets her and shakes 
hands) 

Mrs. Applebee. (l. of c.) I shall so yearn for 
the September meeting — {Kisses her twice and she 
exits c, being led to door by Mrs. Applebee. Mrs. 
Graham, Fan and Mrs. Colton watch them and 
laugh. Mrs. Colton crosses back to r. of Mrs. 
Graham, Fan down in front of table l. Sammy 
appears on balcony and is motioned back by Hetty 
who is up c.) 

Mrs. Graham. (Standing front of cojtch r. c.) 
That woman's too glib with her opinions of married 
life. 

Mrs. Colton. {Standing r. of Mrs. Graham) 
She ought to know, she's been married three times 
and divorced twice. {Sits in chair r.) 

(Mrs. Graham sits l. end of couch.) 

Mrs. Applebee. {Coming down c.) As dear 
Henry James says : " Heaven helps her who helps 
herself." 

Fan. Now, Mrs. Colton, one of her husbands 
did die. {Sits l. of table l. c.) 

Mrs. Graham. As dear Larry says, that helps 
some. 



THE COMMUTERS. " 41 

Mrs. Applebee. (c.) Oh, what matters a few 
husbands, more or less, to one so intellectual. 

Mrs. Colton. Intellectual ! Honest I get so tired 
of being intellectual I could almost die. 

Mrs. Applebee. Oh, my dear child, to breathe 
the rarified air of the higher mental plane. 

Mrs. Graham. It's pretty rare for mother. 

(Hetty returns c.) 

Fan. Me too — after these prolonged sessions on 
a high plane with Browning and Ibsen I'm so worn 
out I can't even appreciate Eleanor Glynn. 

(Carrie enters from l.) 

Carrie. (Stands tip l. c.) All that wants tea 
can have it in the dining-room 

(The women all turn in astonishment at the manner 
of the announcement. Carrie is oblivious. 
Hetty is furious. Fan, to relieve the situation, 
rises.) 

Fan. (Rising) That's very nice. 

(Mrs. Applebee, Fan, Mrs. Colton and Mrs. 
Graham start to exit.) 

Mrs. Colton. (Coming to c. and meeting Mrs. 
Applebee) I'd love it if it's iced. 

Mrs. Applebee. Dear, Mrs. Colton, what a 
divinely refreshing idea. 

(They exit l. Mrs. Colton staring at Carrie.) 

Fan. (Coming up c.) Speaking of Bobby 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) Who spoke of 
Bobby ? 



42 THE COMMUTERS. 

Fan. (Going off together) I must tell you 
Bobby's nev/ story. Bobby met the minister 

Mrs. Graham. {Interrupting) Your husband 
told me. 

Fan. And he said, " Are you an honest " — ■ 
(Exeunt l. continuing speech off. Voice dies off as 
they exit) 

Carrie. There's a fresh fellow in my kitchen 
with a pakitch C. O. D. 75 cents. 

Hetty. (Dozvn r. hv sofa) There must be some 
mistake. I ordered nothing. Find out what's in the 
package. 

Carrie. What do you know about that ? (Carrie 
exits. Hetty starts l., gets c.) 

Sammy. (Appears at the door on balcony) 
Hist — hist ! 

Hetty, (c.) Well, you nearly made a nice mess 
of everything, another moment and you would have 
been discovered. 

Sammy. Don't jump on me, someone called for 
Sammy. 

Hetty. Mrs. Crane wasn't calling you. 

(Sammy starts to come downstairs.) 

Hetty. Go back, please — (Crosses quickly l., 
and looks off — points to spare room) 

Sammy. Oh, kind lady, just one breath of fresh 
air before I die. 

Hetty. Aren't you comfortable where you are? 
(Comes front) 

Sammy. (On lozver part of stairs) I guess you 
never slept in your spare room. (Hetty turns to 
him) on a hot May afternoon. FU do anything to 
oblige a lady, but my doctor says Turkish Baths are 
weakening. (Comes down r. of c.) 

Hetty. I didn't ask you to sit up there. (Follozvs 
him to L. of c.) Why didn't you go for a walk? 



THE COMMUTERS. 43 

Sammy. Did you ever try to walk through a 
suburb on a hot afternoon in patent leather pumps, 
a silk hat, and an automobile coat ? Isn't there a 
law against collecting crowds ? Someone might ask 
me when the parade began. 

Hetty. Have you tried on one of Larry's suits? 

Sammy. Have I tried on one of Larry's suits? 
Father's clothes will soon fit Willie. Haven't my 
clothes come ? 

Hetty. When Larry 'phoned this morning ex- 
cusing your sudden arrival he said he had sent a suit 
by a special messenger. {Goes l.) 

Sammy. {Stops her) Say, have I got to sit up 
in that steam room until it comes ? 

Hetty. You can't stay here, the ladies might see 
you. {Returning to Jiis l.) 

Sammy. Introduce me. I like that little blonde, 
the second from the end. 

Hetty. What ? 

Sammy. You could explain. 

Hetty. Explain ! If my friends saw you, I 
wouldn't have a shred of reputation left. 

Sammy. You flatter me. {Flicks dust from coat 
lapel) 

Mrs. Graham. {Voice off r.) Hetty, my dear. 

Hetty. (Crosses quickly l.) In a moment, 
mother. {Motions Sammy to the room) 

Sammy. (Up c.) Please, kind lady, have pity; 
not, oh, not, the steam room. 

Hetty. Well 

Sammy. (Interrupting) I'll be good. 

Hetty. I must join the ladies ; if vou get bored 
there are some very interesting magazines on the 
table and a new picture puzzle. ( Takes puzzle from 
table L. c. and gives it to him c.) 

Sammy. A Dav in the Hay Field — 178 pieces. 
Kindergarten stuff. 

Hetty. (She starts to go l. — stops and turns to 
him) Can I do anything else for you? 



44 THE COMMUTERS. 

Sammy. Yes. Tip me off when those suffra- 
gettes are headed this way and I'll do a duck. 
(Hetty starts to go) Oh — I'd like to send a wire 
to the office on very important business. 

Hetty. Just 'phone to the station. (Hetty exits 

L.) 

Sammy. {Crossing to 'phone and taking up re- 
ceiver) Hello! (Pause) Hello, fair one, give me 
the station-house. I mean the station agent. Will 
you take this very important wire? Miss Gracie 
Lane, Knickerbocker Theatre, New York. " Can't 
keep date to-night. Kidnapped. It's a long story 
but am innocent. All my love and all my money, 
Sammy." Don't forget the money — (Pause) Eh — 
(Pause) Charge it to Larry Brice. (Sammy hangs 
up receiver, crosses l. and takes off coat and places 
it on hack of chair — he takes up magazines and 
reads titles) " Country Life in America." " Ameri- 
can Homes and Gardens." "The Garden Maga- 
zine." Interesting magazines. " Bulbs that Bloom." 
Rube stuff — (Picking up another magazine) Here's 
a nifty little sheet — " The Ladies Home Journal." 
(Reading) " Cross stitch and crochet." " Fewer 
frills on French Lingerie " — (He sits back of table 
and smiles to himself) 

(Carrie enters from l. carrying a tray with a cup 
of tea on it.) 

Carrie. (Looking over his shoulder) Oh, Mr, 
Fletcher ! 

Sammy. (Jumps up quickly, takes coat from back 
of chair and starts to go upstairs, puts coat on) 
Are they coming? 

Carrie. Who, the Minerva ? Oh, not for a long 
time, these lectures is awful dry work. Mrs. Brice 
ast me to sneak in a cup of nice hot tea. 

Sammy. Thanks, Hebe — (Comes down c.) 

Carrie. I ain't Hebe. I'm Carrie. (Comes to ' 
his L.) 



THE CCUn.IUTERS. 45 

5)AMMY. Say, little one, couldn't you get me a 
nice long one with ice in it ? 

Carrie. Oh, I'm on, but this house is temperance, 
never any liquor except what Mr. Brice carries in. 
{Puts cup of tea on table l. c.) Say, what do you 
hang around here, for, where you ain't wanted? 

Sammy. I'm hipped on the place. (Goes up to 
desk R. c. and sits) 

Carrie. (SJie follozvs up) You'd better get out 
before you get what's coming to you. I'll bet when 
this hen-party goes, Mrs. Brice wouldn't do a thing 
to you for coming here soused. 

Sammy. Aren't you the cheerful little party? 

Carrie. {Pointing to picture piisde) What's 
that? 

Sammy. Picture puzzles. 

Carrie. Have they got you doing that ? Thought 
you were from the city. 

Sammy. Now, Sherlock. 

Carrie. Say, what's a big guy, like you, doing 
with kid games ? I don't blame you. Honestly this 
place is dead slow. Not a moving picture show in 
the town. Wish I was back to Childs'. She leans 
over) There's the piece you want, you ninny. 
Can't you see it's the man's eye. ( The hell rings off- 
stage — Carrie pays no attention to it) Do you 
know many people in the city? 

Sammy. I've been out several times on New 
Year's Eve. 

{Bell rings.) 

Carrie. Any of your gentleman friends want a 
girl that's ha^dy around the house? 

Sammy. /Quite a few of my friends have one; 
still the demand is always greater than the supply. 

Carrie.'^ That piece ain't right. That ain't his eye- 
brow. It's his moustache. 



46 THE COMMUTERS. 

Sammy. Oh, you've done this one. 

Carrie. I never saw it before but I know a 
moustache when I see one. {Knocks a piece off on 
floor) 

Sammy. There, you've knocked his ear on the 
floor. 

Carrie. Get it. I'll hold his face. 

Sammy. (Rises and picks it up and gets on 
Carrie's l.) Now, don't break it. 

Carrie. That ain't his ear. It's his foot. 

(They both laugh. Sammy gets up and stands be- 
hind her — Sammy leans over to put the piece 
in place — Hetty enters suddenly. She is 
aghast as it looks as though Sammy had his 
arm around Carrie.) 

Hetty. (Up l. c.) Carrie 



(Sammy and Carrie start suddenly and some of the 
pieces fall on the floor.) 

Carrie. Cr. near table — wrathfully to Hetty) 
NoMf, vou done it. 

Hetty, (l. c.) What are vou dom^r? 

Sa^mmy. (c, giac/fes) Plavingf n'cture puzzles. 

H^TTY. Leave the room, please — ("Sammy, think- 
ina Hetty refers to him., starts for the stairs. 
Carrie sfol)s him, niggles, then comes in front of 
Hetty to door l. As soon as Carrie nets on her l.) 
I thought I asked you to see about that package 

Carrie. It was a mi'^take. Tt was a stransfe suit 
of clothes, regular hand me down and I sent the 
feller about his business. (She flounces out — 
Sammy hears this and dashes nut ni the dnors c.^ 

Hetty. Why, thev were Mr. Fletcher's. (She 
turns and sees him fJving nut of the door. She 
goes up and watches him off c. doors) 



THE COMMUTERS. 47 

Fan. (Enters from l.) Hetty, I must run along 
— (SJie sees Hetty at the door) What's the mat- 
ter? 

Hetty, (Coining dozvn, bringing Fan zvith her 
to the couch) Fan, before that man leaves here I'll 
be notorious. 

Fan. What man? (Sitting on Hetty's l.) 

Hetty. Sammy Fletcher. Our Sammy. 

Fan. Sammy Fletcher here? When did he 
come ? 

Hetty. Last night. Oh, Fan, what Fve been 
through ! Larry brought him home and forgot that 
he brought him. 

Fan. What's he like ? 

Hetty. Worse than we imagined in our wildest 
dreams. I caught him just now hugging Carrie, 

Fan. What ? 

Hetty. Playing picture puzzles. 

Fan. Huh! Hetty, that man's actions are 
grounds for divorce. 

Hetty. I can't divorce Larry because Sammy 
Fletcher hugs Carrie. Anyway, I don't want to 
divorce him. 

Fan. Rollie's been pretty bad but he's never 
turned our house into an all night refuge. I wouldn't 
stand it for a moment. Of course, Fd have to think 
of dear little Bobby but if I were in your shoes, Fd 
walk right out of the house and let Larry entertain 
his friend. 

Hetty. I never thought about dinner. Larry 
and I always go to the club every Saturday night. 
There isn't a thing in the house. (Rises and goes 
L. of c.) 

Fan. Let them get their own dinner. (Quot- 
ing) " Woman should not be the drudge of the 
universe." Now, what's the use of our paying Mrs. 
Crane for these lectures if we don't profit by them ? 

Hetty. I don't want to profit by Mrs. Crane's 



48 THE COMMUTERS. 

experiences and have three husbands. One's enough 
for me. 

Fan. Well, if you take my advice, you'll clear 
out. (Rises and comes to Hetty's r.) I tell you, 
you come over and dine with me. Rollie isn't coming 
out to-night until the last train. I'll 'phone Dr. Lloyd 
and we'll have a game of dummy bridge. If you 
want to cure Larry you've got to do something 
devilish. 

Hetty. That doesn't sound awfully devilish. 

Fan. Doasyouhke. (Retty goes tip c. Turns) 
But Hsten to me, Hetty, I'm an old married woman, 
and if you want to hold a man make trouble for 
him. (Exits c. and r.) 

(Hetty exits to the dining room — A pause. Sammy 
enters. He is mopping his brow. He carries a 
package from zvhich protrudes a shirt, a tan 
boot and the leg of a pair of trousers. He starts, 
up the stairs wearily. Enter Mrs. Colton, 
Mrs. Graham arid Mrs. Applebee, Mrs. Col- 
ton sees Sammy and goes off into violent 
hysterics. Sammy stands petrified.) 

Mrs. Colton. (Pointing to Sammy) A burglar ! 
A burglar! (Down extreme l.) 

(Mrs. Graham sees Sammy and runs after him. 
Sammy tries to run up the stairs, trips. Mrs. 
Graham grabs him by the foot.) 

Mrs. Graham. Caught red-handed. Madge 
guard the door. (Mrs. Applebee crosses to door up 
c. To Mrs. Colton) Stop that yowling and 'phone 
for the police. 

(Mrs. Colton crosses to 'phone r.) 

Sammy. I'm not a burglar. 



THE COMMUTERS. 49 

Mrs. Graham. No, I suppose you're a friend 
of the family. 

Mrs. Colton. (She grabs the 'phone) Gimme a 
policeman, quick. How do I know what his number 
is? Oh, Mr^ Graham, what's the policeman's num- 
ber? 

Mrs. Graham. Don't bother me, I'm busy. 
(Mrs. Graham dragging him doivnstairs, Sammy 
drops cigarette case on floor c. He picks it up) 
Hand that over. 

Mrs. Applebee. {Standing behind them holding 
up parasol threateningly) At once! 

Mrs. Graham. What did I tell you. Larry's 
cigarette case! (Grabs his arm) 

Mrs. Colton. Central, we have a burglar. Send 
a policeman right away, to Mrs. Brice's. (Gets 
dozvn extreme r.) 

(Mrs. Applebee moves to l. c. as Hetty enters.) 

Hetty. (Enters) Why, mother, what are you 
doing ? 

Mrs. Colton. Catching burglars. 

(Mrs. Graham gives Sammy a jerk.) 

Hetty. It's Larry's friend, Mr. Fletcher. 

Mrs. Graham. What? 

Hetty. (Introducing him) Ladies, let me pre- 
sent, Mr. Samuel Fletcher. 

Mrs. Graham. (Frigidly) How do you do. 

Sammy. Pleased to meet you. (Bows to Mrs. 
Colton. Mrs. Graham hands him cigarette case) 
Thanks. 

Mrs. Graham, (Angrily) Don't mention it. 

Mrs. Applebee. (From l. c.) Charmed, I'm 
sure. I hope you're enjoying your visit to our fair 
suburb. 

Sammy. Oh, yes, very much. 



so THE COMMUTERS. 

(Mrs. Graham starts to go.) 

Mrs. Graham. Good-bye, Hetty. 

Hetty. Oh, mother, are you going? (Crosses 
to her c.) 

Mrs. Graham. Yes, my nerves are considerably 
overturned ; I need the air. Good-bye. 

Sammy. Good-afternoon — (She bows frigidly to 
Sammy and exits) 

Mrs. Colton. Good-bye, Hetty. (Shakes hands 
with Hetty. Sammy smiles at her. She scorns hint 
and exits with Mrs. Graham) 

Mrs. Applebee. Good-morning, Hetty, Mr. 
Fletcher. (Grabs his hand) I hope you'll pardon 
our little error, as dear Shelly says " It's not the coat 
that makes the man." 

Sammy. No, the vest and trousers help some. 
(Mrs. Applebee draws back indignantly and exits 
quickly c. and r. Hetty laughs) I'm glad I've 
handed you a laugh. (Getting over l.) 

Hetty. (Sits on couch) I'm so sorry. I don't 
mean to be rude, but you did look so funny. (She 
laughs agram— Sammy joins in and both laugh 
heartily. Sammy starts to stairs) 

Sammy. I guess I'll go before I get in bad 
again. (Going up c.) 

Hetty. Oh, you're not going? What will I say 
to Larry? 

Sammy. Any old thing that comes handy. 

Hetty. But, if Larry finds you gone he'll think I 
haven't made it very entertaining for you. 

Sammy. It's been entertaining all right. I think 
I'd better leave before any other entertaining thing 
happens. 

Hetty. (Sammy starts to go) Will yoti tell me 
one thing? What is the baleful influence you exert 
over Larry and Rollie ? 

Sammy. The " what ful " influence? 



THE COMMUTERS. 51 

Hetty. Baleful was the word. In other words 
what on earth do they see in you. 

Sammy. {Coming down c.) Search me. The 
idiots both bore me to death. Coming to my flat, 
drinking up my best Scotch, smoking my choice 
cigars, smoking, why they eat 'em. All Rollie does 
is talk about that kid of his and when he gets 
through Larry begins about you. {She rises, he 
stops confused — bows) 

Hetty. My husband may be a bore. I've never 
found him one, and he may be an idiot, I think he is 
or he wouldn't spend his time with you. {Goes r.) 

Sammy. {Interrupting) 1 told you I'd get in 
wrong. I'm very sorry all this has happened, because 
I've been looking forward to meeting you. (Hetty 
smiles sarcastically) Larry has talked a lot about 
you. 

Hetty. Yes, 1 know, bored you to death. 

Sammy. Don't hit a fellow when he's down. You 
may not believe it, but I wanted you to like me. 
{She laughs) Oh, what's the use? You think I'm 
the limit, and when a woman's mind's made up. 
{Turns L. of c.) 

Hetty. {Interrupting — following him) That's 
precisely when she's dying to change it. Why are 
you such a thoroughly bad man. 

Sammy. I haven't anything on the husbands. 
They're a pretty bad lot. Do you know what's the 
trouble with married life? 

Hetty. Yes. Bachelors. {Both turn away — 
Sammy to l. Hetty to r.) 

Sammy. Must a married man give up his 
bachelor friends? 

Hetty. No, only his friend's bad habits. 

Sammy. Me to reform. No married man can 
sit up in my flat. I'll found an order for the sup- 
pression of late hours for husbands. Will that 
square me? {Puts out hand, Hetty takes it) Well, 
good-bye. {Runs upstairs and gets bundle) 



52 THE COMMUTERS. 

Hetty. No, not good-bye. Now you must stay 
to dinner with us — (Sammy looks surprised, drops 
bundle) Stay to dinner with us. 

Sammy. You want me to? (Picks up bundle) 

Hetty. Certainly. {Crosses and rings the bell 
R. above zvindow) 

Sammy. You don't mind if I shake the benny 
and the soup and fish. (Hetty laughs) I'm a 
fancy little person when I'm all dolled up. {Runs 
upstairs exits into room) 

(Carrie enters from l.) 

Hetty, (r. c.) We'll dine at home to-night. 

Carrie, (l. of c.) There ain't no dinner, unless 
you eat the scraps from the party. 

Hetty. Then prepare the Sunday dinner. 

Carrie. Ain't none ordered. To-morrow's the 
day you eat to your mother's. 

Hetty. I'll call up the market. 

Carrie. Saturday's a half day. The market is 
closed. 

Hetty. Then I'll have to borrow some dinner 
from the neighbors. (Goes to desk up r. c. starts to 
write note) I'll write the note. You get the basket. 

Carrie. Me go around beggin' grub offen people 
— why? 

Hetty. (Writing) Mr. Fletcher is stayin' for 
dinner. 
/Carrie. Is he goin' to stop here ? 
s/ Hetty. ( Coming down r. of c. ) Have you any 
objections ? 

Carrie. I sure have. Comin' around here where 
he ain't wanted, and upsettin' everythin'. Didn't I 
have to get an extra breakfast for him ? And didn't 
I have to drop everything and make chicken hash 
for his lunch and a party on my hands. I stayed in 
for your party though I was promised a half day 
and had accepted an invitation from my gentleman 



THE COMMUTERS. 53 

friend to dine at Childs' and go to a moving picter 
show in the city. Now on top of all this you ask 
him to dinner. Now that settles it. I quits. I 
didn't hire out to be for everlastin' entertaining 
people. I'm willing to work, but, God knows I'm 
no electro dyanmo. {Exits l. 2 e.) 

Hetty. (Staggered, starts to call her then pulls 
herself together.) No, I will be mistress in my own 
house. {Takes basket from under table c. Exits 
c. and R.) 

Sammy. {Enters, comes dozvnstairs zvhistling, 
" Oh Gee I'm Glad I'm Free No V/edding Bells 
For Me." Takes out cigarette case, takes a cigarette, 
feels for match. He hasn't one. He goes looking 
around for one) Where in blazes do they keep the 
matches. 

{During this bus. Barnes, the village Policeman has 
stepped softly on the veranda. He watches 
Sammy apparently going through tJie house. 
Finally as Sammy comes to the table and opens 
the drazver to look in, Barnes tiptoes in and 
grabs him.) 

Barnes. Caught in the act, young fellow. {Grabs 
his arms and drags him down c.) 

Sammy. Who are you? 

Barnes. Constabule, I 'rest you in the name of 
the Law. 

Sammy. The devil you do. (Sammy struggles) 

{They get down r. c.) 

Barnes. Nov/ go easy. It's two years extra for 
resistin' a officer. 

Sammy. You're bughouse. Who do you think 
I am? 

Barnes. I guess they got your picture to the 



54 THE COMMUTERS. 

head-quarters. Come along with me. (Throws him 
over to his l.) 

Sammy. I'm a friend of the family. 

Barnes. Tell that to the Judge. A fine friend 
of the family going through the place. 

Sammy. I tell you I'm looking for a match. 

Barnes. A match — ^huh! 

Sammy. I tell you I'm Mr. Fletcher. Here is 
my cigarette case to prove it. (He hands Barnes 
Larry's cigarette case) 

Barnes. Since when has Fletcher been spelled 
with an L. B.? (Puts it in pocket) 

Sammy. I'll get Mrs. Brice. (He crosses towards 
the dining rootn door l. 2 e. calling Mrs. Brice. 
Barnes rtms after him and grabs him) 

Barnes. No, you don't. (Dragging him up c.) 

Sammy. (At the door, calling) Oh, Mrs. 
Brice — Mrs. Brice. (No answer) Can you beat 
this? (Takes hold of Barnes' coat and brings him 
down c.) My, good man, this is a mistake. Here. 
(Goes in pocket for money) Not a cent. 

Barnes. There'll be an extra penalty for trying 
to bribe an officer of the law. You to the house. 
(Drags him up c. Barnes starts to drag Sammy 
off, Larry appears on the veranda) 

Larry. Hello! What's doing? 

(Barnes throws Sammy down l. c.) 

Sammy. Oh, nothing, I'm pinched, that's all. 

Larry. Pinched. (Down r. c, laughing heart- 
ily) 

Barnes. Caught 'em working your house, Mr. 
Brice. 

Larry. It's a msitake. 

Barnes. (Interrupting) Well, the ladies tele- 
phoned for me. 

Larry. He's a friend of mine. 



THE COMMUTERS. 55 

Barnes. On the level? You're not just bein' 
sorry for him. He's a tough looking- rummy. 

Larry. I'll answer for him. (Barnes throws 
Sammy off) Here. {Gives Barnes a dollar) 

Barnes. Thank you, sir. But I'd advise you, 
Mr. Brice, friend or no friend, keep an eye on him — ■ 
{Gives cigarette case to Larry) I've a book to 
home on crime that says all fellers v^ith ears like 
his are crooks. {Exits c. and l.) 

(Larry laughs, Sammy imitates him) 

Sammy. {Front of table l. c.) Funny, isn't it? 
You'd had to go bail for me in another minute. 

Larry, {Coming c.) Where was Hetty? 

Sammy. I called for help, but no one answered. 
She isn't there. 

Larry. Didn't she treat you right ? 

Sammy. She's all right, but I'm in wrong. 
I've had a peach of a day. 

Larry. What's the matter? 

Sammy. Oh, nothing, scared Mrs. Erice out of 
a year's growth, this morning, cooped up all after- 
noon in a room with a southern exposure— 

Larry. {Interrupting) Oh, forget it, you can 
tell me your troubles later. Colton is outside with 
his car. We're going to run out to the club and show 
you a thing or two. 

Sammy. Mrs. Brice expects us for dinner. Can't 
we take her along? 

Larry. No, "this is strictly stag. Hetty will 
understand. That's why v/e're such good pals, 
she's so understanding. (Goes v.p to desk r. c.) 
I'll jyst leave a note. {Writing) She'U go over 
to her mother's. 

{Enter Carrie from l. 2.) 

Sammy. Whither away, Hebe? 



56 THE COMMUTERS. 

Carrie, (c.) (Turning on Sammy) Whither 
away yourself — and don't call me Hebe — {To 
Larry) I'm fired, Mr. Brice. And it's all his fault. 
Comin' round here where he ain't wanted, and up- 
settin' everything'. 

Sammy. I thought I was about due for another 
jolt. 

Carrie. Makin' extra work. 

Larry. Extra work — {Rises and comes dozvn r. 
of Carrie) 

Carrie. Two breakfasts and a lunch. 

Larry. Isn't it customary in my house to have 
lunch? {Gets r. c.) 

Carrie. A cup o' tea, and a bite on a tray is 
enough for Mrs. Brice. But didn't I have to drop 
everything and me with a party on my hands and 
make chicken hash. 

Sammy. What's she kicking about, I ate the 
hash. 

Carrie. I ain't no fault to find with you, Mr. 
Brice, even if you do come home with the owl and 
^•et up with the rooster. But {Turning to Sammy) 
I'll have my gentleman friend knock your block 
off. (Carrie exits c. and r.) 

Larry. Can you beat it? 

Sammy. You can't even tie it. 

Larry. Oh, well, come on. (Goes up to small 
stand L. c. and gets cap) 

Sammy. I tell you Mrs. Brice expects us for 
dinner. 

Larry. (Coming back c.) She can't get dinner 
without a cook. You don't want to embarrass her? 

Sammy. It seems to me it isn't quite the right 
way to treat your wife. 

Larry. What do you know about treating a 
wife? Back up. (Takes him to table l. c.) Where's 
your hat? Here take this one. (Larry grabs a cap 
off a table by the closet door and jambs it down 



THE COMMUTERS. 57 

over Sammy's eyes^ Come on, we'll cut across lots. 
It's just about first cocktail time. (Larry hustles 
Sammy out l, 2 e., a pause) 

Hetty. {Appears on the veranda carrying a 
heavy basket. She has a loaf of bread in her arm. 
Her hat is on one side. She staggers in zvith basket. 
Sets it on the table. Sees note left by Larry) 
" Gone to the Club. Will be home early bye-bye, 
darling " Oh. (Goes over l., throwing letter down) 

Fan. {Enters carrying a bowl of soup tied in 
napkin) Hetty, dear, here's your soup. 

Hetty. {Takes soup) I don't need the old 
soup. {Puts it on table l. c.) Larry's gone and 
left me high and dry. That's what I get for fussing 
over his old guests, and giving up my rights. My 
rights. For two pins, I'd divorce him this minute. 

Fan. (r. c.) Oh, Hetty, don't do anything 
rash. 

Hetty, (c.) I will if I feel like it. Going round 
begging food from door to door. Lugging that 
heavy basket through the hot sun. Making myself 
the laughing stock of the place. Go on, say i told 
you so. You're perfectly right, Fan. If you want to 
hold a man make trouble for him. Oh, I'll teach Mr. 
Larry a lesson he won't forget in a hurry. {Goes 
up to door) 

Fan. Hetty, where are you going? 

Hetty. I don't know where, but I'm going. 
{Exits hurriedly c. and r. followed by Fan) 

CURTAIN. 



58 THE COMMUTERS. 



ACT III. 

Scene : — Same as Act I. 

Time: — Two A. M. 

The room is faintly illuminated by a lighted 
lamp on a table at the end of the couch r. 
another at table l. c. and by the moonlight 
visible through the glass doors at center back 
and at the window above the landing on the 
stairs. The curtains at the window r. are drazvn. 
Hetty is lying on the couch r. fast asleep. 
As the curtain rises, the clock on the table back 
of the conch strikes two, wakening Hetty, who 
yawns, rubs her eyes and reaches sleepily for 
the clock. She notes the time. The lateness of 
the hour shocks her into alert wakefulness. 

Hetty. (Amased) Two o'clock! (She places 
the clock on the mantel and in so doing sees a tele- 
gram propped against a flozver vase. She picks it 
up, reads the address) A telegram for Mr. Samuel 
Fletcher. ( With a movement of petulant anger she 
slams it doiun on the mantel — at that moment Mrs. 
Colton's voice is heard outside) 

Mrs. Colton. Hetty, Hetty? 

Hetty. (Startled, turns, runs to the switch at r. 
above window, turns on the lights and runs quickly 
to door at c. — opens it — Enter Mrs. Colton) Why, 
Mrs. Colton, how you frightened me. (Comes 
dozvn L. c.) 

Mrs. Colton. (Comes dozvn r. of Hetty — she 
is in a fluffy peignoir over which she has thrown a 
light cloak) Oh, Hetty, what has Larry done with 



THE COMMUTERS. 59 

my Willie? I 'phoned the club at ten, and the boy- 
said they'd left. He said for a joy ride. It's after 
two. I'm nearly crazy, (c.) 

Hetty. (In alarm) Is Mr. Colton driving? 

Mrs. Colton. Irving v^as at the wheel. 

Hetty. Thank heaven. 

Mrs. Colton. Why, Willie's a grand driver. I 
couldn't stand it any longer alone. I'm so nervous I 
haven't a finger nail left. Aren't you nervous? 

Hetty. No, just mad, plain mad. Serve them 
right if they did get dumped out. 

Mrs. Colton. Oh, Hetty, I tried hard to be mad. 
T tried to remember what all the women told me this 
afternoon, but I love Willie. (Cries) 

Hetty. Of course you do. (Leading Mrs. Col- 
ton to couch) Sit down — (Mrs. Colton sits) 
Have a chocolate. (Taking box off table) 

Mrs. Colton. Thanks. (Takes one) I couldn't 
eat a bite of dinner. Willie left me all alone. (^She 
cries) 

Hetty. Have another. 

Mrs. Colton. Thanks. (Takes another) And I 
made a pudding special. (Cries) 

Hetty. Try one of these. 

Mrs. Colton. Thanks. (Takes another) Oh, 
you didn't need the cheese you borrowed, did you? 

Hetty. No. (Puts box back on table, goes c.) 

Mrs. Colton. I don't want to criticise another 
woman's husband but it was kind of mean of Larry 
when you went around an' borrowed everything. 
Did you eat it all alone, too ? 

Hetty. I did not. I dined with Fan. Dr. Lloyd 
brought me home at half-past nine, like an idiot. 

Mrs. Colton. Dr. Lloyd seems intelligent. 

Hetty. I'm the idiot. Fan wanted me to stay 
but I thought Larry might get home, be worried and 
sit up for me. Huh ! 

Mrs. Colton. (Getting up) I'd better go. I 
don't want to worry Willie. 



6o THE COMMUTERS. 

Hetty. Sit down! (Mrs. Colton sits again) 
I see a man worrying, or sitting up for his wife. 
He'd go to bed contentedly if he didn't die of the 
shock. 

Mrs. Colton. Wilhe didn't want to go but he 
said if he refused to leave his wife they'd think it"^ 
wasn't manly. 

Hetty Manly! Who wants a man tied to her- 
apron strings all day ? 

Mrs Colton. I'd kind of like it if it was Willie. 

Hetty. What do they marry us for if they want 
to stay out all night? Why can't a woman have the 
courage of her convictions, treat a man as he treats 
her. Look at me ! I've every right to be furious. 
Lugging that heavy basket through the hot sun and 
I was going to teach Larry a lesson. Do something 
devilish. 

Mrs. Colton. Oh, Hetty I 

Hetty. Devilish. Sitting home here since half- 
past nine, ruining my digestion eating chocolates 
and worrying. Why, if I go in to a matinee I ha^e to 
leave before the play's half over so afraid^dear 
Larry might get home first and be anxious. 

Mrs. Colton. It's terrible. I haven't seen an 
emotional actress die since I've been married. The 
last matinee I went to the leading lady began to die 
at 4 o'clock and at 4 : 15. 1 had to run for Willie's 
train. I hope he isn't going to keep this up. If he 
does I'll tell his mother. (An auto siren is heard in 
the distance off r.) Oh, there's Salome. (Rises) 

Hetty. Salome? 

Mrs. Colton. I call the car Salome cause it wig- 
gles. I'm awful, aren't I even if I am married? 
Oh, I must hurry. (Starts to go) 

Hetty. Don't let them see you. (Passes her over 
L.) Here, go the back way. I'm going to give 
Larry a good scare. 

Mrs. Colton. Oh, Hetty, what are you going to 
do? 



THE COI\r?.IL'TERS. 6i 

Hetty. Hide in the coat closet. (Puts out lamp 
on table r.) Go on. Don't tell Larry I'm here. 

]\1rs. Colton. I won't. {Stayts to <jo then stops) 
I wish I had time to hide, too. 

Hetty. But you haven't. Skedaddle. 

(Mrs. Colton runs off door l. Hetty szvitches off 
bracket and runs to lamp that is on table up l. c, 
turns it off and exits into closet. In the ceiling 
is an electric light that shines on her as she 
enters. She closes the door. The room is in 
darkness. It is nozv bright moonlight outside. 
A slight pause. Then from r. c. enter Larry. 
He peers through the glass doors into the room. 
Then opens the door cautiously. He enters, 
looks all around the room, returns to door, 
beckons off r. to Sammy, then on tiptoe goes 
quickly down r. to switch. Sammy enters, 
stumbles. 

Larry. Sh! can't you? {Touches button) 

Sammy. (Singing) I just can't make my feet 
behave. 

Larry. Great ride, wasn't it? 

Sammy. Blame sight better than sitting around 
that stuffy club. 

Larry. Club's all right. 

Sammy. But the people are sttiffy. 

Larry. (Whispers, then picks up clock from 
mantel) Two fifteen. Say, that driver of Colt on 's 
is a wiz ! He certainly let her out ; we did the last 
two miles in three minutes. (Puts clock back in 
pi a re) 

Sammy. Who was that peacemaker on the home 
stretch ? 

Larry. Dr. Llovd. 

Sammy. Had a dame with him, didn't he? 

Larry. Yes. Vv'atch me hand Hetty one on the 
model doctor. Have a drink? 



62 THE COMMUTERS. 

Sammy. No, I've had enough ; me for the hay. 
(Yawning. Starts to stairs) 

Larry. (Yawning) Here, too. Well, no 7:46 
to-morrow, thank God, nothing but church. 

Sammy. (Turns) Church! You're not going 
to ring me in on that ? 

Larry. Sure, do you good. 

Sammy. Well, call me early, Mother: I've got 
to study my catechism. 

(Larry szvitches off the lights. They start up- 
stairs, walking very softly. As they reach the 
landing, Hetty comes out, stands in under the 
stairs unobserved.) 

Larry. Good-night. 

Sammy. Good-night. (Sammy exits into his 
room, switches on light and closes the door. Larry 
opens his door cautiously and szvitches on light. 
Hetty stands helozv listening, smothering her laugh- 
ter) 

Larry. (Voice off) Oh! (He tears out of his 
room along the landing to Sammy's room. He rat- 
tles the door fiercely. Hetty is zveak with laughter. 
Sammy opens the door, the light shining on their 
faces) Sammy ! Sammy ! Is my wife in your 
room? 

Sammy. Good heavens, no ! 

Larry. Where is she ? 

Sammy. Isn't she in her room ? 

Larry. In her room, you idiot? Would I be 
looking for her if she were? 

Sammy. Maybe she's out? 

Larry, Where ? 

Sammy. With some of her women friends. 

Larry. What would they be doing? 

Sammy. Talking about their other friends. 

Larry. If she went out, why should she stay 
out? 



THE COMMUTERS. 63 

Sammy, Maybe to get square with you foi last 
night and other nights ? 

(Hetty snatches scarf from hook in closet, and 
exits quickly l. 2 r.) 

Larry. Don't be a damn fool ! 
Sammy. No, sir. 

{Door slams off l.) 

Larry. What was that? (He starts down the 
stairs) 

Sammy. (Yawning) Um ! 

Larry. Didn't you hear anything? (Running 

/wnstairs to landing. He turns to Sammy) 
Sammy. (Yazvning) No, unless it was my 
downy whispering, " Come, Sammy darling." (Goes 
back into room) 

Larry. (From landing) You're not going to 
desert me in such trouble ! 

Sammy. Trouble? She'll be home presently. 
Say your " Now I lay me's " and go to bed ! 

Larry. Bed, the man talks of bed, when I don't 
know what has become of my Hetty! (Running 
dozvn and crosses to szvitch over r.) Hetty, Hetty! 
(Pushes szvitch) 

Sammy. (Yazvning, at head of stairs) Oh, come 
on to bed (Coming dozvnstairs) 

Larry. It's easy for you to talk : you're not her 
husband ! (Exits to dining room l. 2, turns on Jinhts 
in dining room, voice off-stage) Hetty, Hetty, 
where are you ? 

Sammy. (Coming dozvnstairs) And they talk of 
the quiet life in the suburbs ! 

Larry. (Entering and running to veranda) 
Hetty, Hetty! (Calling off through windozv) 

Sammy. Oh, come in. People will think you are 



6i THE COMMUTERS. 

calling the cat ! (Sammy comes down to table L. c, 
takes cigarette and lights it) 

Larry. None of your silly jokes ! Haven't you 
any tact when a man's worried! Oh, this* is awful! 
{Sits on couch) 

Sammy. How do you like it? 

Larry. Like what ? 

Sammy. Now you know how she feels when you 
don't come home nights. 

Larry. Oh, a man's different. 

Sammy. Yes, makes a different kind of an ass 
of himself. I told you we should have stayed home 
to-night. {Sits r. of table) 

Larry. Stayed at home ? Who wanted to go to 
the Club? I had to entertain you. I'd rather have 
been here with my dear wife. 

Sammy. {Imitating him) His dear wife 

Larry. We always ate dinner together at the 
club on Saturday night. Maybe I'll never eat with 
her again! {He breaks dozvn) 

Sammy. Say, are you going to have hysterics? 

Larry. That's right, you cold-blooded brute ! If 
it hadn't been for you, all this wouldn't have hap- 
pened — coming out here estranging me from my 
wife. 

Sammy. I didn't want to come. {Gets rid of 
cigarette on ash-tray on table) 

Larry. You didn't: you forced yourself on 
me! 

Sammy. I like that ! Dragged out of my nice cozy 
flat, roasted all day, jumped on by everybody, bored 
with a lot of yaps at that inebriates' home you call a 
club. I may be a worm, but by the Jumping Jeru- 
salem. {Rises) I can do a flip-flap. I'm going now. 
{He starts for the stairs) 

Larry. That's right, get me into this mess and 
lay down on me, leave me, just like you ! You've the 
heart of a fish. You've driven my wife out of her 
sheltering home; you'll stay here and help me find 



THE COMMUTERS. 65 

her— Anyway, you can't go, there isn't a train. 
(Sammy returns and sits gloomily. A pause. 
Larry looks at him, gets up, runs over to him) 
Why don't you say something ? Why don't you do 
something? 

Sammy. What the hell can I do? I don't know 
where your dear wife is. If I had a wife I wouldn't 
leave her lying around loose. 

LARp. If you had a wife — ! I'd had mine if it 
hadn't been for you and your cursed flat ! What do 
you mean enveigling me there, getting me drunk, 
making me neglect my Hetty; oh, Hetty, Hetty, 
where are you ? {Suddenly rushes to the telephone) 

Sammy. What are you going to do? {Rises and 
comes up) 

Larry. Call up Fan Rolliston. 

Sammy. That's a cute idea, wake people up at 
this hour of the morning ! 

Larry. What do I care for the people ? I want 
my Hetty. 

Sammy. Haven't you any pride ? Do you want 
to give the neighbors the impression that your wife's 
out on a bat ? {Puts dozvn 'phone) 

Larry. {Over to him) How dare you insult my 
wife! 

Sammy. Oh, I didn't mean what you mean ! My 
foot slipped. Now, I have to pick and choose my 
language. (Larry darts hack to the phone) Now 
what are you going to do ? 

Larry. Call up Mrs. Graham. 

Sammy. Are you crazy? Call up her mother at 
half -past two and scare her out of her fifty-seven 
senses ! Go on — ^go on — and we'll have her up here 
in hysterics ! (Larry puts down telephone) And I 
came out to spend a nice peaceful day in the country ! 
{Sits R. of table) 

Larry. Haven't you had it? {Goes r. and sits 
on couch. Sammy just looks at him and groans) 



66 THE COMMUTERS. 

If anything has happened to Hetty, I swear I'll never 
stay out again. 

Sammy. Remorse stuff: "When the devil was 
sick, the devil a saint would be." 

Larry. Can that — ? 

Sammy. If you swear to stay in nights when she 
does come back, it would be more like it. 

Larry. Maybe I'd better notify the police? 
(Jumps up quickly) 

Sammy. (Jumps up, heading him off) If you've 
got a straight-jacket kicking around the house, I'll ■ 
give you a fitting now. 

Larry. To think I've made her suffer like this ! 
(Sits again on couch) 

Sammy. Have a drink? 

Larry. I never want to see the stuff again ! 

Sammy. Well, you are on the mourner's bench! 
(Picks up box of chocolates) Have a chocolate? 

Larry. I'll give you a punch in the eye! 
(Snatches box and puts it on stand r.) 

(Hetty has come to the door; she is looking in; a 
step is heard crunching on the gravel off r. She 
turns around startled and runs away again 
along the veranda to L. Larry and Sammy 
hear the steps) 

Larry. That's Hetty! (Jumping up. Runs up 
and throws open the door) 

Sammy. Not unless she wears a number eleven. 
(Sammy goes l.) 

(RoLLisTON appears at the door.) 

Larry. Oh, it's you ! 

RoLLiSTON. Yes, hello, Sammy, I came out on 
the last train ; saw the light and came in. 

(Comes down c. Larry r. Sammy l.) 



THE COMMUTERS. 6y 

Larry. I've awful news for you, Rollie. (To 
Sammy) Perhaps you'd better break it to him, 
Sammy ? 

Sammy. No :" Let George do it." (Goes back 
of table L. c.) 

Larry. Hetty has disappeared. 

RoLLisTON. (Screams with laughter; during his 
shrieks he speaks) It's working! (Laughs) It's 
working ! (^Laughs) 

(Larry and Sammy look at Rolliston as though 
he had suddenly gone mad.) 

Sammy. What's working? 

Rolliston. {He looks again at Larry and 
laughs) This is rich! {He laughs at Larry 
You're so easy! {Sits r. of table. He laughs) 

Larry. {Furiously, coming over to them) If 
you know anything about my Hetty's disappearance 
don't sit there grinning hke a pie-eyed Billiken, 
spit it out ! 

Rolliston. Hetty and Fan have certainly put 
one over on you. 

Larry. {Looks at Sammy) Hetty and Fan! 
What do you mean ? 

Rolliston. They planned this disappearance to 
give you a scare, 

Larry. Oh, pififle ! ( Turns r. ) 

Rolliston. When I called Fan up to-night she 
put me wise to the joke. 

Larry. {Looks at him blankly) Joke! 

Rolliston. Yes, Hetty's been at my house all 
evening; she's there now. 

(Hetty appears at zvindows at back. He laughs 
uproariously, looks at Sammy, on zvhom the 
light breaks. Sammy yells with laughter.) 

Sammy. I'm on. (^They both work up the laugh 



68 THE COMMUTERS. 

— Larry growing furious. Hetty has disappeared 
again unobserved) 

Larry. Laugh, go on ! (Laughs) Go on, mock 
at my grief! (Sammy and Rolliston shriek) 
You — ! ( To Sammy) If it hadn't been for you, I'd 
have telephoned and saved myself this anguish 

Rolliston. (Laughing) Anguish? 

Larry. And you! (To Rolliston) Why didn't 
you 'phone me, you're a fine mut ! I wouldn't have 
let them put one over on you. Husbands should 
hang together; (Loud laugh from Sammy and 
Rollie) and when you're both through acting like 
a couple of congenital idiots perhaps you'll explain 
the whyness of this joke. (Crosses r.) 

Rolliston. He isn't on ! 

Sammy. No, he's cold! (They both laugh) 

Rolliston. Don't you perceive? You worried 
Hetty by staying out nights. Reverse English : She 
wanted to worry you 

Larry. I see. 

Rolliston. He sees! 

Sammy. He's getting warm I 

Larry. Who put Hetty up to this ? 

Rolliston. Fan ; she didn't think you were 
treating Hetty squarely. 

Larry. (Right up to him) Oh, she didn't? 
Well I like her everlasting nerve ! (Goes back r. c.) 

Rolliston. Here, don't get fresh with my wife ! 
(Rises and comes forward to him) 

Larry. (Going to r. c.) Well, you tell her not 
to get fresh with mine ! 

Sammy (Comes between them) Now, don't you 
two start anything! 

Larry. Don't you butt in, (Pushes him back) 

Rolliston. (To Sammy) Well, what do you 
think of him? Can't take a little joke. (Goes l.) 

Larry. A httle joke! (Goes r. c.) It's all very 
well for you to talk ; you haven't sat here seeing her 
laid out on a little marble slab ! 



THE COMMUTERS. 69 

RoLLiSTON. Oh, well, (Takes his hat) come on 
over home and get your dear wife. (Coming tip) 

Sammy, (c, stopping them) Wait a minute, 
wait a minute : I've an idea. 

Larry. An idea? Bottle it — (Goes r.) 

Sammy. That's the trouble with you husbands, 
you never know how to turn a trick to your advan- 
tage. Now, if you take my advice 

Larry. I don't want your advice — all I want is 
Hetty 

Sammy. Oh, very well, — ^you know it all — 
(Crosses L. of c. Larry starts) 
v^RoLLiSTON. Hold on, he has an occasional gleam 
of intelligence; (Indicating Sammy, who bows) 
bring on your idea. 

Sammy. Sit down. (Rollte sits r. of table l. c.) 

Larry. No, I'm going for Hetty. 

RoLLiSTON Oh, sit down! 

Larry. Now, no preliminaries! (Brings chair 
from r. to r. c.) Get busy with the point. (Sits in 
it) 

Sammy. You'd like to turn the laugh on Hetty! 
"Well, to begin with 

Larry. (To Rolliston) Oh, come on. (Rises 
and comes up c.) 

Sammy. Don't let Hetty know you've been mak- 
ing an ass of yourself. 

Larry. What do I care if she does know the 
truth about me? (Sammy and Rolliston both 
laugh) I mean, I don't care what she knows — all 
I want to do is to take Hetty in my arms and im- 
plore her forgiveness. (Clasps Sammy fervently in - 
his arms. lcr*fm^ indignantly pushes h'm off) 

Sammy. Good heavens ! You'd think the woman 
wasn't his wife ! Do von want to give her the whip 
handle over you for life? 

Rolliston. There's something in that 

Sammy. You see, Rollie knows ; now, you don't 



70 THE COMMUTERS. 

want to be like him ? Afraid to call your soul your 
own! 

RoLLiSTON. (Rises and comes to l. of Sammy) 
Who's afraid to call his soul his own? 

Larry. [To Rolliston) Now, you start some- 
thing. Let him finish ; whatever it is, it's no good. 
Go on. (Sits again r. c. Rollie sits l.) 

Sammy. If I weren't really fond of you. 

Larry. Cut that, the point. 

Rolliston. Yes, the point. 

Sammy. Rollie goes home, doesn't say anything 
about being here, advises Mrs. Brice to come home. 
Mrs. Brice comes home, we're in bed, indignant 
husband for you, repentant wife for Mrs. Brice, con- 
cealed laughter for little Sammy. 

Rolliston. Sounds good to me. (Sammy 
smiles) 

Larry. I don't know, I'm not very strong for 
it. 

Sammy. If you had thought of it, it would be 
immense. 

Rolliston. Don't you see, the joke will be on 
Hetty and Fan ? Listens well. 

Sammy. (To Rolliston) Injured husband, 
sitting up all night. 

Larry. There, you see, that's his bright idea — 
she knows we went to the club. Oh, come on Rollie. 
(Rises and goes up c.) 

Sammy. (Stopping him and bringing him down 
c.) Don't you see — you took me out there because 
you didn't want to embarass her owing to departure 
of Carrie. Hasty bite, quick return — reward — a, 
night of tortured anxiety 

Larry. All right. (Crosses to c. turns) What 
do you do first ? 

Sammy. Go make yourself look like a distracted 
husband. Rollie and I'll give this room a worried 
look. 



THE COMMUTERS. 7i 

(RoLLiE hangs a newspaper neatly over hack of 
chair. Larry starts to go and stops on lower 
step.) 

Larry. What am I going to say to her? 

Sammy. " Is that you, darling ? " 

Larry. It's easily seen you never came home 
late to a wife. (Coming dozvn c.) 

RoLLiSTON. " Is that you, darling? Not a bit 
like it : " This is a fine time to get home ! Where the 
hell have you been? " (Near Larry) 

Larry. Is that what your wife hands you ? 

(RoLLiE draws back angrily and gets front of table 

L. C.) 

Sammy. Well, we'll can the darhng. " Is that 

you, Hetty?" .^, , 

Larry. (Business) What will she say? 
Sammy. Oh, she'll come right back at you with— 
RoLLiSTON. (Interrupting) Oh, yes, she'll come 

right back at you, all right. (Front of table l. c._) 
Sammy. Say, I know women: if you hand it 

to her right in a more-in-sorrow-than-m-anger 

style she'lf kneel at your feet and beg 

Larry. (On lower steps) Doesn't sound much 

like Hetty ! i •. r- u 

Sammy. It's all up to the way you do it. i^an t 
you di<^ up a candle somewhere? You laiow ; get 
busv, come on, Rollie. (Larry starts to go. ^Sammy 
and RoLLTSTON begin to throzv books ana papers 
around. Sammy grabs paper that Rolliston has 
placed on back of chair) . ,. ^ j 1 

Sammy. Not at all, not at all ! My God, where 
can she be? (He crushes it and throws it at 
Rolliston) 

Rolliston. (Picks up another paper) Uh, 
where, oh, where, is my little brown wife ? ( Throws 
at Sammy) 



^2. THE COMMUTERS. 

Larry. Say — (Both Sammy and Rolliston 
turn) What are you two trying to do ? Wreck this 
place? {Exits into his room off balcony) 

Rolliston. Isn't he the fussy httle party ? Gee, 
I'm going to enjoy this. {Sits in chair r. of table 
L. c.) 

Sammy. You enjoy it? You won't be here. 
( Takes up Rolliston's hat, puts it on his head and 
leads him up to door) 

Rolliston. Why not? 

Sammy. You yap, you're not supposed to be in 
on this joke. All you have to do is chase home and 
send her here. 

Rolliston. I like that, me frame this thing up 
and not be here on the laugh ! 

Sammy. You can laugh to-morrow. (He pushes 
Rolliston out. Sammy switches out the lights 
from switch r., then runs into room l., turns off 
light and runs unstairs, opens Larry's door and 
says) Fine! {Goes to his door, laughs and exits. 
Shuts door. Hetty appears at the door, enters, 
stops as though a thought had suddenly occurred to 
her, opens the door, holds it ajar and steps on the 
veranda again) 

Hetty. Good-night, I've had a perfectly lovely 
evening. {Enters, comes down c.) 

(Larry appears on the landing in dressing gown and 
slippers, carrying a lighted candle: a reversal 
of the usual midnight picture.) 

Larry. (In mock reproof) Is that you, Hetty? 

Hetty. Yes, dear. (Sammy enters and stands 
in door. Hetty goes over r.) 

Larry. Do you know what time it is ? 

Hetty. {Switching on the lights) Is it late, 
darling? 

Larry. Half-past two. 



THE COMMUTERS. 7? 

Hetty, Really ? 

Larry. How can you stay out so late when you 
know you have to get up in the morning? 

Hetty. Oh, that's all right, dear, to-morrow is 
Sunday. Hope you didn't sit up for me. {Sits on 
sofa) 

Larry. (Comes downstairs and crosses to desk 
R, c.) You know I can't get a wink of sleep until 
you're in the house. (Looks at Sammy, blows out 
candle and places it on table r. c.) Where have you 
been? Now, Hetty, don't tell me you have been 
sitting up with a sick friend? (Moves to c.) 

Hetty. Met a couple of the girls, had a couple 
of drinks 

Larry. (Interrupting) What? 

Hetty. Of cocoa. We got to telling stories, one 
led to another. I wanted to come home, but as you 
say, one can't be a quitter. 

Larry. I am glad you've enjoyed yourself. 
(Crosses to l. c.) Sammy and I have been nearly 
frantic with anxiety. ( Turns to Sammy who, on the 
landing, is watching the scene) 

Hetty. Oh, good-evening, Mr. Fletcher. 

Sammy. Good-morning, Mrs. Brice. (Comes 
dozvnstairs) We've both been very much worried 
about you. 

Hetty. Oh, Mr, Fletcher, it's so sweet of you 
to worry. (Sammy goes down to Larry's r.) 

Larry, (l. c.) Of course, I don't mind for my- 
self, but it's hardly hospitable to Sammy to stay out 
all night and make him feel as though he weren't 
wanted. (His arm around Sammy'j shoidder) 

Sammy. Don't reproach her on my account. I 
did feel it: it's a terrible thing to have a sensitive 
disposition, 

Hetty. This room looks as if it had been struck 
by a cyclone. You seem to have been enjoying your- 
self ? (Gets box of chocolates) 

Larry. (Exchanges look with Sammy) Sammy, 



74 THE COMMUTERS. 

do you hear her, enjoying ourselves! I've had a 
night of tortured anxiety. 

Hetty. If I had thought you would worry about 
me — but there have been so many evenings that 
you've managed to be content with Mr. Fletcher's 
society. (Larry crosses down l. c. near armchair. 
Sammy moves towards Hetty. To Sammy) Have 
a chocolate? 

(Larry and Sammy are staggered a moment. 
Sammy recovers while Larry sits in armchair. 
Sammy in pantomime indicates telephone.) 

Larry. Why didn't you telephone me? 

Hetty. I did intend to, but the time slipped 
away and I didn't want to disturb your rest 

Larry. Disturb my rest, and did you think I 
could sleep calmly not knowing where you were or 
what you were doing? (Rises and comes c.) By 
the way, what were you doing? 

Hetty. Oh, didn't I tell you? 

(Sammy comes down c.) 

Larry. No. 

Hetty. Didn't I? 

Larry, I didn't hear you mention it, did you, 
Sammy ? 

Sammy. Nary a mention 

Hetty. Granted that I am accountable for my 
actions to my husband — (They both bow) though 
I don't grant it. (Both draw themselves up) I am 
accountable only to him. 

Sammy. Zowie! (Crosses back of Larry to l. 
of c. He retires knocked out. Hetty helps her- 
self to a chocolate) 

Larry. (Crosses to her c.) Come, come, Hetty, 
you're evading the point — where were you ? 



THE COMMUTERS. 75 

(Sammy conies down l. c.) 

Hetty. I don't see that it is necessary that you 

should know. 

{Exchange of looks betzveen Larry and Sammy.) 

Larry. I've a right to know: I'm your hus- 
band! 

Hetty. I'm your wife, but under similar circum- 
stances, I don't cross examine you. I'm content with 
your explanations, no matter how fishy they are. 

(Sammy gives suppressed giggle.) 

Larry, (Crossing to Sammy) When does she 
kneel and beg? 

Sammy. She's missed the cue — go after her — 
{Crosses back of him and pulls him by arm to c.) 

Larry. These excuses will not do. (Hetty 
turns and laughs tantalizingly, puts chocolates on 
stand by her r.) Have you no longer any feeling 
for me, (Exchanges looks zvith Sammy and crosses 
down to chair r. of table l. c.) that you could con- 
demn me to an evening of tortured anxiety ? 

Hetty. You're repeating yourself ! (He sits in 
arm-chair r. of table l. c.) Well, how do you like 
an evening of tortured anxiety ? How do you like to 
sit here waiting, waiting, trying to convince yourself 
that the one you love is safe somewhere enjoying 
himself without thought of you ? But you — you are 
worrying — worrying. A call on the telephone ar,d 
your heart stands still with fear! Perhaps some- 
thing has happened, dead possibly, and you wonder 
were you kina to him that morning ! Did he kiss you 
good-bye ?v Oh, God, suppose you never kiss him 
good-bye again! I've had several nights of that, 
you've had one. (Rises) Well, how do you like 
it ? ( Crosses to him) How do you like it ? ( Turns 



76 THE COMMUTERS. 

upstage to the stairs. Larry and Sammy are 
paralysed. The telephone bell rings sharply, Larry 
rises and crosses to 'phone r. Sammy gets up -stage 
near c. window) 

Larry. Hello! Oh, hello, Rollie. Yes, Hetty's 
here. What a relief ! She left your house at half- 
past nine with Dr. Lloyd. {He slams the receiver on 
the telephone. Larry crosses to her quickly) 
Where have you been? I insist on knowing where 
you've been? This joke is going far enough. 
{Crosses down r.) 

Hetty. What joke? {Follows to c.) 

Larry. The joke you and Fan were to play on 
me. Well, you'll just explain where Dr. Lloyd comes 
in on this joke. Where have you been with Dr. 
Lloyd — {Close to her) 

Hetty, (l. o/ c.) I refuse to answer that ques- 
tion, I refuse to insult you by acknowledging that 
the question has been asked. 

Larry, (r. of c.) You can't answer it. You've 
been out until this hour of the morning with Dr. 
Lloyd ! 

Hetty. I don't deny that I've seen Dr. Lloyd, but 
I do deny your right to question me in such a man- 
ner. 

Larry. You don't deny it! {Goes r.) That's 
good, you can't. I saw you with him ; you were in 
his car; we passed you not half an hour ago. The 
point is, you'll tell me now at once where — {Comes 
to her r.) you've been ! 

Hetty, I'll tell you nothing. {Starts for stairs) 

Larry. You won't, eh ? I'll soon find out. {He 
darts to the telephone) 

Hetty. What are you going to do ? 

Larry. Call up Dr. Lloyd. 

Hetty. If you humiliate me by calling up Dr. 
Lloyd, I'll walk out of this house and never set foot 
in it again! {She comes c.) I warn you there's 
a limit even to my endurance. You can ignore me. 



THE COMMUTERS. -JT . 

neglect me ; rebel and 1 am made the object of vulgar 
suspicion. I must sit patiently at home. "What do 
you care for me or my loneliness ; you must be free 
to amuse yourself as you see fit. Now I intend to 
enjoy an equal liberty, and when you leave me to 
spend my evenings alone, don't presume to call me 
to account. {Star Is fur stairs) 

Sammy. (Who has been standing at hack, coming 
forzvard quickly) It's all a joke, Mrs. Brice. 

Hetty. {Laughs bitterly) A joke to be humili- 
ated, insulted ; that's not my idea of a joke ! (Goes 
up to first landing. She turns and runs upstairs. 
Larry rims after her, to foot of stairs) No — no— 
don't come near me, don't touch me. 1 hate you — I 
hate you! I hate you! (She exits and slams the 
door) 

Sammy. This is a hell of a joke ! 

CURTAIN. 



ACT IV. 



Scene: — The veranda of the Brice home. 
Time: — Sunday morning. 

On the left of the stage and occupying about 
one-third of it is a suburban house zvith a 
veranda zvhich has a lozv railing. In tJie center 
of the veranda double glass doors lead to living- 
room, the backing for these doors is a portion 
of the second act set. On each side of iJie door 
is a pot containing a formal box tree. On the 
floor of the veranda a rug. At upstage end of 
veranda a small zvicker armchair, another be- 
lozv the glass doors, and a third at dozvn- 
stage end of veranda. Befzvcen these tzuo chairs 
against the wall of the house is a small stand 
with a bowl of flowers, magazines, etc. At the 



78 THE COMMUTERS. 

windows of the house are azvnings aiid zvhidozv 
boxes. The house and veranda are on a plat- 
form tzvo feet hJyh zvith steps leading to the 
stage. A zvhiie picket fence surrounds the yard 
zvith a gate opposite the steps r. c. On each 
side of the path from the gate to the steps is a 
border of pansies in bloom. Peonies and fox- 
gloves in bloom are banked against the picket 
fence at the rear of stage and against the 
veranda, the upstage pillars of -which are 
zvreatiied zvith climbing roses. Grass mats 
simulate the lazvn and border the sidezvalk out- 
side the picket fence. The back drop is the 
same as used in the other acts. In addition there 
are foliage borders, and zvood zvings represent- 
ing a rozv of trees on r. of stage. 
Discovered: — At rise of the curtain Larry and 
Sammy seated on the veranda. Sammy on top 
of steps — he is behind a Sunday paper. Larry's 
paper is in his lap — he is the picture of utter 
zvretchedness as he stares straight ahead of him 
into space. Sammy turns his paper, takes a 
sidelong look at Larry, then lays the paper 
in his lap and takes out his cigarette case. 
Nudges Larry zvho accepts one. His manner is 
preoccupied. A pause. 

Larry. Where do you suppose she was ? 

Sammy. (Wearily — seated on a small strazv 
cushion at top of steps) Still harping on my daugh- 
ter. 

Larry. (Absently) V/hat daughter? 

Sammy. Oh, just a little thing of Shakespeare's. 

Larry. (Disgustedly) What's Shakespeare to 
do with me and Hetty ? 

(Sammy laughs, Larry glares at him, Sammy stops 
abruptly.) 



THE COMMUTERS. 79 

Sammy. I beg your pardon, I can't help seeing 
the funny side of everything. 

Larry. The man that can see the funny side of 
this affair, has a ghouHsh sense of humor 

Sammy. It is funny. A big husky kid Hke you 
afraid of a httle woman. Why don't you kiss and 
make up ? 

Larry. The best I'd get would be a call-down. 

Sammy. Why, Mrs. Brice seemed to be very 
pleasant at the breakfast table. 

Larry. That's all you know about it. A wife's 
never so pleasant as when she's laying to hand you 
one. 

Sammy. Well, if you take my advice 

Larry. I have had too much of your advice and 
your fool jokes. 

Sammy. You shouldn't carry a joke too far. 

Larry. I did exactly as you told me. 

Sammy. Did I tell you to drag in jealousy of Dr. 
Lloyd ? That was one of your own little trimmings. 

Larry. As her husband, I've a perfect right to 
know that my wife was doing out at that hour of the 
morning. 

Sammy. If you had worked it right she'd have 
told you. If I'd been talked to by my husband — 
told you. If I'd been talked to by my husband. 

Sammy. You know what I mean: flying oft the 
handle, you hurt her pride. 

Larry. That's right, take her part ! 

Sammy. She'd have told you, all right. 

Larry. Of course you know it all. (Sammy 
offended, picks up his paper and begins to read) 
Can't you see how miserable I am ? 
_ Sammy. I'm not having a particularly hilarious 
time. 

Larry. You got me into this mess. It's up to 
you to get me out of it. 

Sammy. I'm no first aid to fool husbands. 

Larry. You're so clever, so full of your little 



8o THE COMMUTERS. 

jokes, joke me out of this. (Sammy continues read- 
ing) What's the matter with you this morning? 
You haven't the brain of a hen. 

Sammy. What do you expect? Locked me out 
of my room. Let me spend half the night on that 
couch in there, and then when you did let me share 
your bed, talked me deaf, dumb and silly. I'm no 
perennial bright-eyes. 

Larry. I wasn't very hospitable; I'm sorry. 

Sammy. Oh, that's all right. 

Larry. But I can't think of other people's feel- 
ings. I've my own to think about. Do you think 
she'll forgive me? 

Sammy. Now see here, you asked me that ques- 
tion about eighty-seven times last night. I've heard 
your sad story so often that if you'll give me a chord 
in G minor I could do it as a cantata. How do I 
know what she'll do? Go ask her and let me read 
about other people's troubles. {He grasps his paper 
irritably) 

Larry. And this is the man I've always treated 
as a friend ! 

(Hetty appears at the door. She is politely frigid 
in her demeanor. The men rise, Sammy goes 
down steps, paper in hand.) 

Larry. Can I help you wash the breakfast 
dishes ? 

Hetty. {Sitting in chair) They're washed, 
thank you, 

(Larry subsides in his chair. There is a pause.) 

Sammy. {Going to her) Would you care to 
look at this paper ? 

Hetty. No, thank you, I'm not in the mood for 
reading. 

Sammy. Not even the comic section ? {Offering 



THE COMMUTERS. Sr 

her the picture supplement. Hetty looks at hint 
frigidly. Sammy sneaks back, a strained silence 
ensues, Larry and Sammy steal apprehensive 
glances at her. Sammy is smoking) Does this 
smoke annoy you? 
Hetty. Not at all. 

(A strained silence ensues again.) 

Sammy. If you'll excuse me I'll pack the bag 
you loaned me. ( Goes up on veranda as if to go into 
house; picks up the straw cushion he was sitting on 
at beginning of act) 

Hetty. {When he is near door) You're not 
leaving us, Mr. Fletcher? 

Sammy, {Coming back to her l.) Yes, I'll 
have to take the 1 1 : 02, 

Hetty. Oh, if your mind is made up 

Sammy. Oh, yes, my mind's made up. (Sammy 
starts to go. Larry clutches at his arm and hangs 
on like grim death) 

Larry. You can pack that bag later : you've loads 
of time. 

(Sammy throws down cushion and paper, and goes 
back down the steps.) 

Sammy. It's a pleasant day. {Pauses) The 
flowers are doing well. {Giggles. A pause) Great 
weather for lawns. {Giggles. A pause) Doesn't 
any one use this street on Sunday ? 

Hetty. I'm sorry you find it dull. 

Sammy. Oh, no, not at all. It's very restful after 
last night. (Hetty turns on him. He turns away, 
angry zvith himself) A change from the city, you 
know. {A pause) Funny thing about Sunday. If 
I were blindfolded and led to a foreign country 
where I had lost all sense of time and place and were 
awakened on Sunday, I'd know it by that sabbath 



82 THE COMMUTERS. 

calm. {Giggles) You can cut it with a knife. 
Hetty. How interesting. (Yawning) 
Sammy. Apparently Auburn Manor doesn't stir 

its stumps on Sunday. 

Hetty. (To Sammy) It's the one day in the 

week when wives can cease from troubling about 

their (Severely tozvards Larry) husband's train. 

(Larry winces; Sammy looks from one to the 
other.) 

Sammy. I must pack that bag. (He exits 
quickly) 

(A pause again: Larry watches Hetty furtively. A 
pause, then Larry rises determinedly and 
comes to Hetty.) 

Larry. (On her l.) Oh, what's the use of sulk- 
ing? 

Hetty. I'm not sulking, I'm perfectly pleasant. 
(She smiles acidly) 

Larry. Ah, what's the use of keeping this up? 

Hetty. I'm not keeping anything up ! 

Larry. Then you're not angry ? 

Hetty, Why should I be angry ? 

Larry. I'm very sorry. 

Hetty. That's nice. 

Larry. I ivas a beast last night. 

Hetty. You were. 

Larry. Oh, well, you weren't so pleasant your- 
self. (Turns away l.) 

Hetty. Had I any very especial reason to be 
pleasant? Insult me, humiliate me, before a 
stranger — do you expect me to like it? 

Larry. Do you want me to get down and grovel ? 

Hetty. Not in your Sunday-go-to-meeting suit. 

Larry. Oh, damn the suit. (Turns up-stage) 

Hetty. Why, it's a very nice suit. 



THE COMMUTERS. 83 

Larry. Oh, Hetty, let us drop all this ! Don't you 
see how wretched I am ? 

(Hetty turns and looks at him searchingly.) 

Hetty. You look about as usual. 

Larry. I didn't sleep a wink last night. 

Hetty. I did — like a top. 

Larry. I wouldn't have believed that you could 
be so utterly heartless. 

Hetty. And I wouldn't have believed that you 
could be so utterly unjust. 

Larry. There's some excuse: I had that man 
Fletcher on my hands all evening. 

Hetty. You had none the best of me : I had him 

all day. 

Larry. He's going soon, thank God! 

Hetty. Oh, Larry, th.at isn't nice to talk about 
your friends. It isn't hospitable. 

Larry. Hospitality be blowed ! Come on. Hetty, 
be a good fellow, sav you forgive me. (He tries to 
put his arm around Jicr) 

Hetty. Are you sorry, really sorry ? 

Larry. Am T ? 

Hetty. And you won't stay out again? 

Larry. Never. 

Hetty. Sure ? 

Larry. Cinch. Now that's all settled, say, where 
were you and Dr. Lloyd last night? 

Hetty. (Rising quickly) So that's v/ny you 
made up and begged for forgiveness, to trap me into 
some admission? you don't trust me now ! {Crosses 

L.) 

Larry. {Interrupting) Yes — yes. 

Hetty. {Turns) You don't. I'd have told you 
in another moment but now you can find out — 
(Larry tries to explain) No, no, you've killed my 
love— (Hetty exits into house. Enter S\mmy 
carrying a ba^ on zvhich are the letters L. B. He 



84 THE COMMUTERS. 

stops abruptly, looks after her, and puts hat and bag 
down) 

Sammy. (Cheerily) Well? 

Larry. I've killed her love ! (Standing in daze. 
Sammy laughs) If you want to retain the slightest 
popularity in this vicinity, choke off that insane 
giggle! 

Sammy. I thought you'd patched it up? 

Larry. I thought I had. (Sits in chair) 

Sammy. What happened? 

Larry, I humbled myself, begged her forgive- 
ness. She forgave me and then I did as you told me 
— ^asked her where she'd been. 

Sammy. Did as I told you to ? Lord, man, I told 
you not to mention it. I wash my hands of the whole 
affair. 

(Fan appears on the street, dressed for church. 
Sammy sees her as he turns away from Larry.) 

Fan. (Outside gate) Oh, Larry, may I speak 
to you a moment, please ? 

Larry. (Rises) Good-morning. 

Fan, Hetty telephoned me this morning. 

Larry. What did she say? (Crosses to gate) 

Fan, Oh, what didn't she say? (Larry opens 
gate, she passes in) RoUie said it was up to me to 
come over and square myself. Oh, what's the 
trouble ? 

I RRY. Oh, nothing. Hetty's going to divorce 
me, that's all. 

Sammy, Larry exaggerates the situation. 

Fan. I'll learn the situation from Mr. Brice. 

Larry. You know Mr. Fletcher ? 



(Sammy moves forward as if to shake hands with 
her.) 
Fan. Know him? (Sammy draws back) He's 



THE COMMUTERS. 85 

the cause of it all. I only gave Hetty a little advice. 

Larry. {To Sammy) Everybody's very gay 
with advice. It's getting to be a habit. 

Fan. I'll never interfere again; I only meant it 
as a joke, {Crying) 

Sammy. Pardon me, Mrs. Rolliston, but joke is 
on the taboo here. 

Larry. (Fan cries still louder) Oh, don't cry, 
Fan. 

Fan. {Goes up on veranda) I can't help it ; I'm 
an old married woman, but Rollie never talked to 
me in my life as he did this morning! {Sits) But 
I'm not responsible for Hetty's staying out until half- 
past two. Where was she? 

Sammy. That's the pulsating question of the 
hour. 

Fan. What could anybody find to do in Auburn 
Manor until half-past two? Did you ask her? 

Larry. Did I ask her ! , 

Fan. Why, if Rollie asked me about anything I 
wouldn't dare to refuse to tell him 

Larry. Rollie has you trained — {Laugh from 
Sammy, Larry looks at him reprovingly) 

Fan. She was at her mother's. 

Larry. She was not ; I 'phoned this morning. 
Mrs. Graham's on her way here now. Hetty was 
with Doctor Lloyd. 

Fan. But we were bored to death with Dr. Lloyd 
at half-past nine. 

Sammy. Well, we ain't "gettin' any forrader." 
Someone of us ought to straighten it out. Here we 
are, three intelligent people. 

Fan. Speak for yourself, please. 

Larry. Oh, Fan, you go to her, beg her to give 
me another chance. 

Fan. Let him go, he's responsible. Hetty's a 
dear, but you don't know what she can be when she's 
angry. 

Sammy. Oh, don't I? 



R6 THE COMMUTERS. 

Larry. Fan, you wouldn't see me in the divorce 
court ? Do this for me and I'll do as much for you 
when you get there. 

Fan. (Turning to him quickly) Thanks, it 
won't be necessary, if you'll stop leading RoUie 
astray. 

Larry. Don't blame me. Fan, it's Sammy. 

Sammy. I'm the goat. 

Fait. (Rises) Well, I suppose this is my punish- 
ment. (She goes l.) 

Sammy. Good luck, and the Lord be with you. 

(Mrs. Graham enters from house.) 

Larry. Hello, mater, where did you spring from ? 

Mrs. Graham. I came in the back way. What- 
ever is the matter with you children? Good-morn- 
ing, Fan ; you telephoned me asking me where Hetty 
was last night. (Bozvs frigidly to Sammy; Larry 
motions her to sit) Hetty telephoned me to come 
and see her at once. It's a singular time to upset my 
nerves. (Sits in chair above steps on veranda) It's 
hardly proper. In fact, it's sacrilegious to quarrel 
on Sunday. 

Sammy. The better the day 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) I felt that some- 
thing was wrong. I never dream of black water 
but I'm sure to awaken to trouble. (Fan sits in 
chair down l. on veranda) Well, I think someone 
of you might relieve a mother's anxiety — (All three 
try to speak) and not keep me in this fearful sus- 
pense. (All three try to speak) What has happened 
to my poor child? (All three try to speak) Oh, 
somebody say something! 

Sammy, We'd like to 

Larry. You see, mater, it's like this 

Sammy. (Interrupting) Oh, for heaven's sake, 
don't go all over it again. 

Fan. It's just this way, Mrs. Graham 



THE COMMUTERS. 87 

Samaiy. (Interrupting) Pardon me, Mrs. Rol- 
liston : I was there, and I know. Briefly, Mrs. 
Graham : dinner at club — arrived home two fifteen — 
no Mrs. B. Mrs. B. arrives 2 : 30 — Larry asks her 
where she's been 

Mrs. Graham. A perfectly proper question. 

Sammy. Certainly, sometimes. (Mrs. Graham 
looks at him quickly) Then Larry sees fit to bring 
an accusation 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) Of what has he 
accused the poor child ? 

Sammy. Of being out with Dr. Lloyd. 

Mrs. Graham. (Rising) How dare you, Larry, 
impute aught save what is innocent to my daughter ? 

Larry. Well, if you came home late at night. 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) I never came 
home late at night. I'm in bed every evening at 
nine o'clock, except Wednesday evening, prayer 
meeting. Why should my home coming be dragged 
in? (Sits again. Larry groans) 

Fan. But if you should 

Mrs. Graham. I tell you I never come home 
late — a woman of my years ! What would I be doing 
out late at night? Don't be ridiculous, Fan ! (Fan 
subsides) Will no one explain all this to me? 

Sammy. Mrs. Brice has been out until half-past 
two and Larry naturally but foolishly wondered 
where ? Mark the insignificant word " where ", that 
has put this happy home on the blink. 

Mrs. Graham. Oh, what's the man talking 
about ? 

Sammy. She won't tell Larry where she's been. 

Mrs. Graham. Don't talk nonsense ! 

Sammy. Does that broken-hearted man look as 
though it were nonsense? Mark the anguish. 

Mrs. Graham. (Interrupting) Oh. do be quiet! 
(Squelches him) Larry, do you mean to tell me 
that Fve been dragged up here on a hot morning be- 



88 THE COMMUTERS. 

cause of this tomfoolery? You're her husband, 
insist on her telling you. 

Larry. I tried to, but she won't. 

Mrs. Graham. Where is she? {Starts to go 
into the house) 

Larry. Mater, you'll have to approach her 
gently. 

Mrs. Graham. Gently! my own child! I'll just 
ask her a plump and plain question, and I'll see to 
it that I get a plain reply. 

Fan. (Rising) Oh, I think I'd better go, Mrs. 
Graham. 

Mrs. Graham. She's my daughter, Mrs. Rollis- 
ton ; I hope I know how to deal with my own flesh 
and blood! (Mrs. Graham starts to go. Hetty 
appears dressed for church. She has a telegram in 
her hand; she stops at the sight of the quartette who 
are momentarily embarrassed) 

Hetty. (Sarcastically) Has the jury brought 
in its verdict ? 

Mrs. Graham. Hetty, I'm surprised at you — If 
you were true to your up-bringing, a verdict 
wouldn't be needed. I ask you — (Sammy tries to 
stop Mrs. Graham. She resents it) a simple 
question : (Hetty starts resentfully — the others try 
to stop Mrs. Graham) where were you last night? 

Hetty. So you four have been sitting here dis- 
cussing me! You make our quarrel public prop- 
erty. 

Fan. (Interrupting) We are your friends, 
Hetty, and have you and Larry's interest at heart. 
You should tell us where you were ; this has gone far 
enough. 

Hetty. Quite far enough. What right have you, 
any of you to pry into my private affairs ? 
Mrs. Graham. I am your mother. 
Hetty. I am of age, and a wife ; I've a right to 
the freedom of the individual. 

Mrs. Graham. Don't quote that Mrs. Crane to 



THE COMMUTERS. 89 

me! I always said that woman was a trouble- 
breeder. 

Hetty. (Ignoring her) When anything in my 
conduct calls for question, I'll explain it, and not 
until then. 

Fan. (Very much offended) I may have 
usurped the privilege of a friend, Hetty, but you've 
equally usurped it. (Comes down step and joins 
Larry) 

Hetty. I'm sorry to have offended you, Fan, but 
this matter is entirely between Larry and myself. 

(Fan turns away. Larry joins her and expostulates 
zvith her. As Fan moves down, Mrs. Graham 
gets to L. of Hetty.) 

Mrs, Graham. (To Hetty l. of her) Hetty, 
I'd like to spank you ! (Comes dozvn steps) 

Hetty. Oh, Mr. Fletcher, here's a telegram for 
you. (Gives him telegram) 

Sammy. When did this come ? 

Hetty. Last night? 

Sammy. Last night? 

Hetty. Yes. 

Sammy. What time was it delivered ? 

Hetty. (Indifferently — watching Larry and 
Fan) About ten o'clock. 

Sammy. You received it then : 

Hetty. Yes, I meant to give it to you, but I f or-- 
got. 

Sammy. Then you were in the house all the 
time ? » 

Larry. What ! 

Mrs. Graham. Why on earth didn't you say so? 

Hetty. I didn't have a chance. 

Larry, Oh, Hetty. (Running up steps to 
Hetty) Who was in Dr. Lloyd's car last night? 

Hetty. The nurse. Didn't you know the Jones's 
had a new baby? 



90 THE COMMUTERS. 

{He goes to put his arms around her. Church hells 
begin; she hands him hat which is on the 
table. RoLLisTON and Mrs. Shipman have 
appeared up the street, followed by Mr. and 
Mrs. Applebee and Mr. and Mrs. Colton. 
They join Mrs. Graham and Fan and con- 
verse. Larry and Hetty walk along. Sammy 
takes up his bag and follows in the tail of the 
procession Church bells are ringing. The others 
disappear in this order: Fan and Mrs. Ship- 
man, RoLLisTON and Mrs. Graham, Applebee 
and Colton, Mrs. Colton and Mrs. Applebee, 
leaving Hetty, Larry, and Sammy, who stop 
at r. I e.) 

Larry. Oh, so sorry, you must go, Sammy — 
{Shakes hands) 

Hetty. But you'll come out soon and spend the 
day? 

{They turn away. Sammy watches them disappear. 
A whistle is heard in the distance.) 

Sammy. Oh, you Broadway! {He runs up the 
street in the opposite direction. Church bells swell 
for curtain) 

CURTAIN. 



THE COMMUTERS. 91 



DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS AND SUG- 
GESTIONS AS TO CLOTHES. 

Larry Brice. Juvenile lead, 30 years of age — type 
of American stock broker — smartly dressed in 

summer suit — belt — tan shoes — straw hat 

Hetty Brice. Lead 

Act 1ST — a simple house gown. 
Act 2nd — a white lingerie dress — at end of 
act small automobile hat. 

Act 3rd — Same dress with a scarf. 
Act 4th — A smiple house gown — changing 
later to gown, parasol and hat for church. 
Carrie. A village girl who has been a waitress in 
one of the Childs restaurants in New York, 
and is now a servant in the Brice home — Act 
1ST wears a cotton dress in blue or pink such as 
worn by maids. An exaggerated hat. Under- 
neath it a very small cap such as worn by 
waitresses. 

Act 2nd — conventional maid's dress and 
white apron — no cap. 
Mils. Graham. Hetty's mother — sweet old woman 
— very well dressed. 

Act I St — A coat suit, silk shirtwaist and 
small toque. 

Act 2nd — Afternoon gown in light colors 
with corresponding toque. 

Act 4Th — Gray silk church gown and toque. 
Mr. Rolliston. Comedian about 35 years of age- 
more the family man in appearance and not so 
smartly dressed as Larry— blue serge suit 
and Panama hat. 
Mr. Colton. Boyish— a " newlywed " very well 

dressed in hght sack suit. 
Mr. Applebee. Stout— middle-aged suburbanite. 
Dark business suit — straw hat. 



92 THE COMMUTERS. 

Sammy Fletcher. Comedian — a few years older 
than Larry. At his entrance in Act ist 
he wears evening clothes — white vest — collar 
and tie loosened — hair disarranged — must have 
the appearance of having slept in his clothes. 
In Act 2nd, he wears an automobile coat of 
heavy material and several sizes too large — 
dress trousers — evening shirt — suspenders and 
four in hand tie. He has discarded coat and 
vest of evening suit. He changes in this act to 
smart sack suit and he must be underdressed 
in sack suit trousers in order to make necessary 
quick change. 

Mrs. Julia Stickney Crane. Tall, handsome, with 
touch of gray in hair — must represent the 
last word in style — carries a lorgnette on a chain, 

Mrs. Colton. A young bride — in second act wears 
simple summer dress — in third act a negligee 
over petticoat and silk evening wrap. 

Mrs. Shipman. A stout woman about forty — 
rather suburban in attire. 

Mrs. Applebee. Tall, homely, woman — very 
aesthetic in appearance — dressed in a loose, 
" artistic " gown — a large flappy hat with one 
rose, antique jewelry, bracelets, etc, 

Mrs. Rolliston. 35 years of age — very well 
dressed in afternoon gown. 

Policeman. Policeman's uniform — club and 
helmet. 



In Act H, women wear pretty summer gowns and 
hats suitable for afternoon reception. In Act IV, 
summer gowns and hats suitable for church wear. 
Mrs. Applebee same costume as in Act H. 

In last act, Larry, Colton and Rolliston wear 
black cutaway coats — striped trousers — silk hats, etc. 
— Applebee wears black frock coat, striped trousers, 
silk hat, etc. 



THE COMMUTERS. 93 



PROPERTY PLOT. 
ACT I. 

On stage — AT RISE — Painted floor cloth — Center 
Rug or Medalion — Large center Round Table c. 
on table — fancy center piece and bowl of flowers 
I small stand for telephone at r. below sideboard 
— large sideboard against wall up r. on side- 
board — 2 pepper and 2 salt shakers — i mufflnier 
— I metal cigarette box with 2 cigarettes and 
matches — other articles to dress. In top drawer 
— I serving fork and spoon — 2 tea spoons, 2 
forks, 2 knives — in lower drawer — i table cloth 
and 2 napkins — cabinet (built in scene r. in 
flat) No. I (See diagram) on lower shelf — i 
sugar bowl and table bell — on second shelf — 2 
finger bowls, 2 drinking glasses and two break-: 
fast plates — other articles to dress — Cabinet 
No. 2 (l. in flat. See diagram) on lower shelf 
— 2 bread and butter plates — on 3rd shelf — 2 
cups and saucers — other articles to dress — 7 
chairs — i r. and i l. of c. table — 4 chairs against 
scene l. (2 above and 2 below doors — i at wall 
R. — I above door r. 2 e.) — Curtains on casement 
window and pots of flowers. 

Qff-stage l. — 2 boxes, done up in brown paper, 
supposed to contain shirt waists and slippers — 
Train whistle (at cue) i alarm clock (Set 7: 15) 

Off-stage r. i e. — Kitchen table with following 
articles ready for characters : 

2 daily newspapers (N. Y. Herald and World) — 2 
dishes of grape fruit (or melon) — i water 
pitcher Yz full of water — i covered dish with 



94 THE COMMUTERS. 

toast — I covered dish with 2 fried eggs — i cup 
and saucer (coffee in cup) — i tray with pot of 
coffee — I cream pitcher and milk pitcher. 
Off-stage — Back of c. Windows — grass mats. 



ACT II. 

Large Boxed Interior — stairs from center leading up 
to Balcony on l. of scene — on stage at rise — 
painted floor cloth and large rug — large square 
table L. c. — on which are — " Country Life in 
America" — "American Homes and Gardens" 
and " The Garden Magazine " (on r.) " Ladies 
Home Journal " and other magazines (on l.) — 
In center a bowl of flowers and a picture puzzle 
— Arm-chair r. of this table — Arm-chair l. of 
this table — small chair back of table — above this 
table and against the wall between the coat 
"closet and stairs a small stand on table on which 
are a lamp and two caps (Larry's and 
Sammy's) — Arm-chair well over and down r. 
Mantel with ornaments, photos, small clock, etc. 
— fender fire irons, etc., against fireplace open- 
ing R. above window — Large comfortable sofa 
R. c. — back of this sofa is a large writing table 
with lamp, writing materials and telephone — 
small chair back of this table — small table l. of 
opening — on which are Hetty's hat, parasol 
(used by Mrs. Applebee in burglar scene) and 
under table on floor a handsome market basket 
— push button on wall r. between window and 
mantel. Small stand (for Mrs. Crane's notes) 
c. Small stand r. fireplace. 

Off-stage l. — Ready for character — i small tray 
with doily and cup of tea and saucer — i 
large paper bag supposed to contain a woman's 
hat, an old umbrella and a very small hand bag 
(all for Carrie) — ^bell to ring at cues (same 
as bell used in Act I.) 



THE COMMUTERS. 95 

Off-stage c. and r. — Material to fill Hetty's basket 
to appear heavy and covered with napkin and a 
long loaf of bread with paper VvTapped around 
the middle all for Hetty — a bovv^l tied up in 
napkin supposed to contain soup for " Fan." 

Side props — For characters — i silver dollar — for 
" Larry " — i policeman's club for " Police- 
man " — I cigarette case for " Sammy " — i note 
book for " Mrs Crane " — i very large over- 
coat for " Sammy " — cigarettes for " Sammy " 
— Hooks and chair in room upstairs off l. 2 e. 
for "Sammy's" change in Act H — small 
stand and i chair in room upstairs l. 3 e. for. 
" Larry's change in Act HI — In coat closet 
(back L. under stairs) i or 2 articles of cloth- 
ing — other articles of furniture, flowers, etc., to 
dress scene. 

ACT HI. 

Same set as Act H — Night — On large table l. c. a 
metal box of cigarettes — i match stand and an 
ash tray — 2 evening papers (World and Sun) at 
either end of table. Small clock used on mantel 
in Act H and box of chocolates on writing 
table back of couch — small book for " Hetty " 
on couch — Hetty's scarf in coat closet (l. 
under stairs). Candle in stick and box of 
matches on small stand oiT-stage — upstairs in 
room L. 3 e. Auto horn off-stage (up r.) at cue. 

ACT IV. 

Full stage — exterior — large house l. Painted floor 
cloth — Grass mats inside of fence — ^grass mats 
long strip to outline street — Rug on Veranda 
platform) — 3 Avicker chairs (platform) — i 
wicker table (platform) 

Side props — i small Japanese straw mat (Samaiy) 



96 THE COMMUTERS. 

— I copy Sunday World (Larry) — i copy Sun- 
day Herald (Sammy) — i cigarette case with 
cigarettes (Sammy) — i hand traveling bag on 
which are initials L. B. (Sammy) — i telegram 
(Hetty) — i train whistle (at cue off l ) — I 
chime of church bells at cue up and off r. — 
Flowers on ground front of verandah — roses 
on posts and house — awnings on windows — 
window boxes on lower windows. 



NOTE: — The diagram of Act H shows a small 
table between the sofa and the fireplace. This 
is incorrect. The table, if used, should be on 
the R. of fireplace. The clock shown in the 
diagram should be on the mantel in Act H. 
In Act HI it has been placed by Hetty on the 
table back of sofa. This should be a small gilt 
clock. 



JHE COMMUTERS. 97 

LIGHT PLOT. 



ACT I. 



Boxed Interior— Early morning. 
Foots — 1/5 Amber— full up 



Borders— 1st border % amber — full up 

4th border— all white — full up. 
Strip lights— 10 light strip l. 3 e. 
5 light strip R. 2 E. 
Arc lights— Amber box l. u. e. on drop. 
" " R. u. E. on drop. 
" " on exterior backing r. 
3 E. 
Telephone (pract.) on small stand r., between 
door and sideboard. 



ACT II. 



Boxed Interior — Afternoon- 



Foots : — % Amber — full up. 

Borders— 1st border— 1/3 Amber, full up. 

4th border, all white, full up. 
Strip lights — single light — in coat closet l. 3 e. 
over the door. 
Single lights, in rooms ofif Balcony l. 2 and 

L. 2 E. 
Single lights, in rooms ofif Balcony l. 2 and 
L. 3 E. 
Large lamp with shade on table r. 
Large lamp with shade on table back l. (be- 

^ tween coat closet and stairs. 
Two double bracket lamps with shades r. and l. 

above mantel on r. of scene. 
Telephone on table r. c. (pract.) 



98 THE COMMUTERS. 

Note : — These single lamp strips and lamps on tables 
R. and L. are not used until Act III. 
Arc Lights — ^Amber boxes r. and l. u. 



ACT III. 

Same Set as Act II. — Night. 

Foots — ^At rise — Amber y^ up —a 
At rise — Whites — out. 
At cues — Whites on full. 
At cues — Whites out. 
At cues — Amber out. 
At cues — Both white and Amber on 

full 

At cues— All foots on and off (6 
times) 
Borders — None used this act. 
Arc lights — i box, blue, from r. u. e. on drop. 
I lense, blue from r. u. e. through 
high window. 
On at rise and all through scene. 
Telephone on table r. c. to be worked at cue 
near end of act. . 



ACT IV. 

Full Stage — Exterior — Daylight. 

Foots— All white and amber — full. 
Borders — All white and amber — full. 
Strips — 2, lo or i2 — light strips on floor behind 
picket fence. 
I 2-light strips on backing of house L. 2 e. 
I baby lense in door of house to strike chair 
on veranda. 
Arc lights — amber box — r. u. e. on drop, 
amber box — l, u. e. on drop. 
Proscenium lights on this act only. 



THE COMMUTERS. 99 

NOTE: — For production by amateurs the sets can 
be simplified as follows : 

Act I. Substitute at stage l. ordinary door for 
double glass doors. 
Substitute ordinary china cabinets at r. 
and L. of French windows for built 
in cabinets. 

Act II. To dispense with stair and balcony use 
two doors in back flat for bedrooms 
on balcony. Eliminate double glass 
doors at back center — making that 
entrance at r. i e., omitting window 
at R. 2 E. Armchair used by 
Mrs. Shipman in Act II, can 
be then placed above door. These 
alterations will considerably de- 
crease depth of scene, and will 
necessitate, naturally, a re-arran,TC- 
ment of entrances and exits for the 
persons in the play, but will not 
materially affect the " business " or 
positions during the playing of the 
scenes. 

Act IV. The platform and veranda can be 
eliminated and the house set on 
stage. The furnishings of the 
veranda can be on the lawn. The 
picket fence, the row of trees r., the 
awnings and wandow boxes can be 
discarded. These alterations Vv^ill 
impair the attractiveness of the scene 
but will not affect the stage " busi- 
ness." 



